The House Rangers
by Jeran
Summary: An episode of Power Rangers inspires House to be the Red Ranger, dragging his team along with him, fighting the evil Cuddy and her minions, and, of course, making fun of Chase.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Don't own House or Power Rangers. Alas.

Author's note: It would help, actually, if you knew what Power Rangers were before reading this and if you had seen an episode. But not really.

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It was at least 8 o' clock in the morning. And something had woken House up. Which was, understandably, incredibly annoying. Since he wanted _sleep. _What had woken him up, exactly, he wasn't sure, but it was loud and coming from the room that held the TV, and he could deduce from that it was, most likely, the TV.

At this point, House did not care to know who was watching TV or what they were watching. He just wanted to yell at them for waking him up, damnit.

He sat up in bed, shifting his leg and then reaching for his cane nearby his bed to lean on as he stood up. Growling as he wobbled across the room, (he wasn't so coordinated when it was 8 AM and he was half asleep) House wondered how the hell anyone could get up this early. This was early for him. Un_godly _hours of the morning...

House pushed the door open with the end of his cane and leaned on the doorway, staring. Specifically, staring at Wilson, sitting on his couch, watching TV with the volume on full blast (well, that's what it sounded like). Wilson had obviously just woken up, himself, and was still clad in pajamas, his hair messed up, which was contrary to the usual well-put-together Wilson. The show was brightly colored, and House saw flashes of neon colors and cheesy karate fighting as he asked, interestedly, "What the hell are you watching?"

Wilson jumped slightly, face flushing with a tinge of pink. He fumbled for the remote, which was on the other side of the couch, and pushed a random combo of numbers so now it was on a channel with some news man with a toupee droning on about the price of rice in China or something equally fascinating like that. "Um. Nothing. Sorry, did it wake you up?" He clicked the volume down a few notches.

House was skeptical. "No, what was that on earlier?"

"Nothing. I was just flipping through the channels and..." He shrugged. Wilson was a horrible liar when he was nervous. House raised an eyebrow at him, walked closer to the couch and the TV as Wilson was fixed too intently on what was on. Since he was that focused, he did not notice House lean over and snatch the remote from him. As he pushed the 'Previous Channel' button, Wilson protested, "I was watching that!"

There were few times House was ever surprised, but when the theme song for Power Rangers glowered at him from the TV, he was. Wilson tried to wrestle the remote back, but House had a firm grip on it.

"You were watching...Power Rangers. _Power Rangers..."_ House said, disbelievingly.

Wilson's face was red. "No. No, I told you-"

"Yes, you did tell me, but you left the remote over there, so that obviously means you were planning to watch this." House pointed out, boastful.

Wilson hesitated before rolling his eyes and snatched the remote from House, sighing. "Fine. Yes, I was watching Power Rangers. And I still am, so shut up. The Blue Ranger's been kidnapped by the evil guys and the others have to go and save him but they also have to fight off an army of fish-monsters." He described, clicking up the volume as the Red Ranger declared that it was Morphin' time.

"Oh no!" House gasped. He had sat down on the couch during Wilson's explanation, now also watching the show. Teenagers in spandex-like costumes had super-karate powers and kicked evil-alien ass. So juvenile and childish…

But at the end of the episode, where one of the Rangers made a really stupid joke and everyone laughed, House had to admit, it was amusing and installed a childlike feeling in him. However, he wasn't going to admit that to Wilson.

Wilson yawned and flipped the volume down as he got up and meandered into the kitchen.

House called after him, "You need to get better taste in TV shows."

"You watch Spongebob Squarepants!" Wilson replied indignantly.

House paused before replying, somewhat defiantly, "It's a quality cartoon..."

Wilson psshaw-ed at him and in return House made a face at him. "Power Rangers...I can't believe you like that show." House stood up and slowly made his way into the kitchen where Wilson was cooking something that looked amazingly complicated to House at first glance, causing him to inquire, "What is_ that_?" to which Wilson shot back with a raised eyebrow and a can't-you-tell look, "Scrambled eggs, House..."

"Power Rangers." House continued to scoff.

Wilson shrugged, trying to avoid the subject. House could tell and this only provoked him to talk about it more, but he was distracted by a brightly colored box of cereal that was on the counter and a quart of milk that could have possibly been past its expiration date. He fixed himself a bowl of cereal that might have been made of spray-painted chunks of cardboard for all he knew, and by the time he was done, Wilson had finished making and eating his eggs and was ready for work, which had House thoroughly amazed. It was only about_ 9 in the morning_. It was not clear to him how anyone could do that.

House paused in eating his Cap'n Crunch cereal and blinked, facing Wilson.

"I'd be the Red one." House remarked, out of the blue.

"What?" Wilson had often tried to keep up with House's conversations that he seemed to pick up randomly, and had failed many times, so in the end he frequently gave up. 'What?' was just an automatic response now.

"Power Rangers. I'd be the Red one."

"Uh huh." Wilson nodded, barely listening as he double-Windsor-knotted his tie.

"Yes. And you'd be the Blue one. And Cameron, well, that's obvious..." At this point, Wilson had picked up his briefcase and walked out of the apartment, knowing that House would probably be going on with his rant for a while and that it was safer to get to work now then to listen and be late.

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Chase was convinced he had lost it. _All _of them were convinced he'd lost it.

They were meeting in the annex room to House's office; himself, Foreman, and Cameron. And House, who had on a red baseball cap on backwards.

Of course, a lot of weird things House did were all pointing in that direction, but sometimes those weird things had explanations. This time, though...

"Rangers! Ranger Pink and Ranger Yellow, you go and get a full patient history. Green Ranger, you can go check out the patient's home." House ordered, and then added, in a deep, dramatic voice, "It's Morphin' time!" then proceeded to stand up and limp out of the room as if nothing happened. And, incidentally, before they could ask any questions.

They sat, staring.

Chase was the first to say something, "Well. I think...we should go get that history, Cameron."

Cameron turned to him and blinked. "How do you know he was referring to us?"

Chase's answer was a shrug and him saying quite rationally, "I'm guessing I'm yellow, you're pink, and Foreman's green, following House's way of thinking. I don't get it, though..."

Foreman was still baffled. "What did House mean by that?"

This was the time Wilson had entered the room, and, hearing Foreman's question, said, "Most of the time, I find it better to not question House's amusing but often Apocaliptic antics. What'd he do this time, and where is he?"

Cameron piped up with, "He was calling us, 'Rangers pink, green, and yellow'. Know what he means by that?"

There was a pause, and then recognition found its way across Wilson's face and he grinned.

"What?" Chase leaned forward.

"Ask him yourself."

House came back into his office, pulling out a blue hat similar to the red one he was wearing and put it on Wilson's head. "The whole team is here! Great. Now we can battle the evil that is commonly known as Cuddy together!"

Making a disgruntled face, Wilson pulled off the hat and ran a hand through his hair. House, barely even looking, grabbed the hat back and replaced it on Wilson. Frontward instead of backwards, like House. This time, Wilson made no effort to take it off, still looking somewhat disgruntled.

"Ahem. So. House. Why were you calling us 'Rangers'?" Chase asked, with Foreman nodding. Cameron was too busy looking like _she_ wanted a hat from House, too.

"You haven't heard?" House put on a shocked face and cupped a hand around his mouth and whispered to Wilson, "They don't know! I can't believe it," in a loud whisper.

Wilson sighed, finally explaining it to them in a calm voice at the same time House almost screamed in a very House way, "Power Rangers."

The confused faces remained, inexplicably in House's view.

House glanced up at the TV. "Quick, Wilson, what time is it on?"

"House, I don't know the complete showing schedule of--"

"Wilson!"

"10 o'clock." He said quickly, checking his watch at the same time.

House turned to TV on to the correct channel. The theme song was just coming on.

Foreman, Chase, and Cameron gave their attention to the television screen, if not for pure curiosity then for understanding what their enigmatic boss was on about this time.

"Thought you didn't like this show." said Wilson to House quietly.

"Didn't, but then, how _cool_ would it to be a Power Ranger? It's fun. Besides, look at their _bikes_..." House trailed off.

Onscreen, the Red Ranger and Blue Ranger jumped upon revving, souped up, giant, fluorescent motorcycles for apparently no obvious reason other then they looked cool. House whistled.

For the next half hour this went on, and at the end Foreman said in a slow voice, "That is 30 minutes of my life I will never get back, House."

Cameron frowned as she turned the TV off. "It's a kid's show."

"The Yellow Ranger is a _girl,_ House!" Chase choked out.

Wilson snickered. "In most cases, but sometimes--"

"The Yellow Ranger _has a skirt_!" Chase continued, shocked and wearing his 'Chase-is-pissed-off-oh-no' look.

"And _Chase_ has a skirt, so Chase is the _Yellow_ Ranger!" House chirped as though this should make everything much clearer.

Chase, staring, seemed to realize he was fighting a losing battle and just sighed, putting his head in his hands.

"I'm the Red Ranger. Get it? 'cause he's the leader." House told them cheerfully, noticing that, yes, they seemed to get it.

"This is stupid." Foreman commented, frowning to match Cameron.

"You're not yellow!" Chase pointed out. Foreman considered this.

Then he smirked, saying, "Hey, yeah."

Wilson tilted his hat to one side, and Cameron, catching on because she is such a smart girl yes she is, said, "And Wilson is the Blue Ranger…!"

"By gosh, Cameron, you deserve a promotion. Or a Battlizer, at the least." House thumped his cane on the ground. They all stared at him, like 'what's a Battlizer?'. He wasn't in any mood to explain. He was in a mood to fight! Or, rather, chuck some annoying Power Ranger phrases at Cuddy because she wouldn't get it.

"House..." Foreman began, expecting House to glance over at him with an interest in what Foreman was going to say so he could mock him. But House didn't. Foreman pouted, then said, reluctantly, "Red Ranger..." earning House's attention, he continued, "How are you supposed to do fake karate moves and cheesy fighting with a bum leg and a cane?"

But House was prepared, "With a cane! Like this." He leaned forward and hit Foreman's leg with aforementioned cane, causing Foreman to hiss out a few cusses and clutch his leg. Chase laughed vengefully.

The door opened. Not by itself, as House, Wilson, and the others soon found out, because Cuddy entered and saw Foreman grabbing his leg, commented offhandedly, "Talking rationally to your team not working, House?"

She blinked, glancing suspiciously at the hats House and Wilson had on. "What's with the hats? I don't think it's up to code, guys." Which, in Cuddyisian, meant 'take off the hats'.

House, for not much of a change, acted aghast at Cuddy. "Rangers! We have an intruder! It's Morphin' time, Rangers!" At this point, House overenthusiastically made some weird motion that included waving his arms about a lot and speaking into his watch, yelling, "Red Ranger Power!"

Wilson followed suit with this same motion, rather bored-like it would seem, speaking instead of shouting, "Blue Ranger Power." but still very amused.

Cameron, not wanting to be left out, attempted to repeat this with "Pink Ranger Power!" but the only thing she succeeded with was the yelling bit.

Foreman closed his eyes momentarily, preparing himself it would seem, sighing and doing the same thing, only after his rather quiet, "Green Ranger Power," chant he added, "I better get a raise..."

Chase had a look of someone backed into a corner with no way out except to do a ridiculous arm-waving and shouting routine, so he did the arm-waving and shouting routine with not much of the shouting, more like whispering, "Yellow Ranger Power," ashamedly. All in all, in looked like they had some kind of seizure and a screaming fit.

Cuddy raised her eyebrows. "You guys need to get out more often. Tell you what. Go. Go on, have a long, very long break, get some fresh air, scare the hell out patients, or whatever it is you do. Before I send you to the psych ward." She said the last bit like a real threat before turning on her heel and click-clacking away in her clicky-clackyshoes.

They all made for the door with triumphant looks on their faces. Actually, it more was like House's, Wilson's, and Foreman's triumphant looks. Foreman, as much as he resented being a Power Ranger, liked having a break. Similarly, so did House and Wilson. House, however, rather liked the Power Ranger part and Wilson, well, he liked breaks and liked having fun with House so it all worked out. Cameron and Chase still looked a bit bewildered, Chase still very embarrassed.

Out in the hallway, Wilson and House started off for the cafeteria on House's prompting of 'food!', but Cuddy, at the other end of the hall, called back at House, "Don't think you're getting off clinic duty, House."

House's triumph was swept away. "Damn."

But he had the last word. "Curse you! But I'm still gonna wear the hat!" With that he shifted his hat to cover his eyes and yelled once more as final note, "Red Ranger Power!"

Chase, ahead of them in the hall, murmured under his breath, "Yellow Ranger…damn skirts…I don't even wear one…"

Foreman, nearby, replied, grinning, "But you _own_ one?" Chase glared at him.

Cameron was sulking. "...want a hat."

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AN: SpellCheck liked this. It didn't like my fragmented sentences and suggested I do something about them but I didn't. Take that, SpellCheck.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nor House nor Power Ranger not even an elephant. Or a hat. Sigh.

Author's note: I decided to continue this. It was originally a one-shot but might be a three or four shot. (10-6-06 edit: Or maybe, like, a 12 shot with a sequel.)

Over the next week, not a word about Power Rangers was heard from House. Wilson, however, informed Chase, Foreman, and Cameron that House had tried to tune into the show every morning. This did not work for him because House was a night owl duh, so he switched the Tivo-ing it and watching it when he woke up, causing him to arrive at work a half an hour later then he usually did. Cuddy noticed and got angry. House ignored her and continued his lateness. It was very normal behavior. House wore the hat to work every day.

On Friday he called his team into his office by their pagers. Pagers. Pshaw. House thought that Morphers were much more reliable. Too bad they didn't exist.

He looked very serious and his tone implied the same idea. He said to them, "I've got major news."

Seated around the normal table, they all played the part of devoted employees and appeared curious. Wilson was there, also, but not surprisingly. Sometimes Chase wondered if the man had his own job.

Cameron noted sadly that, while House and Wilson still bore red and blue hats, _she _still didn't have one. Sigh.

Foreman was, for a shock, the first to say something. "What?"

House merely frowned, very un-House-like, and moved his this-is-really-important look between Foreman, Chase, and Cameron, the last of whom fidgeted.

"Chase..." House turned to face the blonde Aussie, who noticeably paled and blinked nervously.

House walked toward him with one hand behind his back for no apparent reason, "You...are no longer the Yellow Ranger." Chase started to look happy, but then House stopped him but placing a pink cap upon Chase's blonde head and saying, excited, "You're the Pink Ranger!"

Almost immediately, Foreman doubled over in hysterical laughter. Cameron cracked a smile but asked, "What about me?"

House sighed. "Don't get your panties in a twist, you're the Yellow Ranger." Cameron still looked disapproving, but when House tossed a yellow hat at her she squealed and put it on, grinning.

Foreman was still laughing and Chase hit him with a folder. Foreman managed to cough out, "Pink...!" before falling off his chair completely.

Chase's face had turned as pink as his hat. He muttered, "Shut up," looking away.

House sat down, telling Wilson with a satisfactory smile, "There. See, Chase makes a much better Pink Ranger."

"I don't think there's ever been a male Pink Ranger on the show." Wilson said slowly.

"Nah. We're making great strides in Ranger history."

"Yes, indeed. Does Foreman get a hat?"

"_Does Foreman get a hat? _Of course Foreman gets a hat." House magically produced another hat, a green one this time, and chucked it at Foreman who was still busy mocking Chase.

"Now all we need is a Vogler to bring down, huh?"

"Or a Cuddy to annoy."

"Hmm. Alternately, we could just sit here and make fun of Chase."

"Ingenious idea, Wilson."

"That's why I'm the Blue Ranger."

It would appear that Chase had taken off the hat.

It would also appear Foreman had shoved it back upon Chase's head.

Chase's response was to put Foreman's green hat on Foreman but Foreman didn't care, it was **green**.

Cameron was pleased with herself. She had a _hat_. A _yellow_ hat. She was the _Yellow Ranger_. She didn't much like pink, anyway and it matched Chase much better. Which she told him, "Chase, I think pink matches your hair very nice. It brings out your eyes." very sincerely and not at all mockingly.

Chase didn't take it that way. "Cameron! I don't like pink! I don't look good in pink! It's a _girl_ color!"

"And Chase is _girl_**y**!" Foreman said and then ducked at Chase attempted to yet again attack him.

Cameron rolled her eyes. Boys. Gosh. Did they ever stop this?

No, she realized, when House smacked Chase with his cane.

"What was that for?" Chase asked House, pausing in his attacking Foreman.

"Don't hit my Green Ranger."

"Don't have your Green Ranger making fun of your Pink Ranger!" Chase yelled back.

"Well, Pink Rangers shouldn't resent being Pink Rangers so Green Rangers don't make fun of Pink Rangers and Red Rangers don't hit Pink Rangers!" House's response was just as loud.

Wilson was rather quiet as he said, "Red Rangers shouldn't yell so much," although it only seemed quiet because _he_ wasn't yelling.

"Why not?" House shouted at Wilson.

Wilson, his eyes widening, rubbed his ears, "Because then the Blue Ranger will go deaf."

House paused, then nodded, "Yeah. Okay. The Red Ranger will only yell at the Pink Ranger, the Green Ranger, the Yellow Ranger, and Queen Bansheera_. That's Cuddy, by the way._" He added in a lower voice, then continued, "But the Blue Ranger is safe from yelling unless he consorts with Queen Bansheera. Or any sort of Queen Bansheera's minions. The _nurses_." House now started to sound like he was quoting something. "Those," he finished dramatically, "are the rules."

"Those rules suck." The Green, Yellow and reluctant Pink Rangers said at the same time.

"Well, deal with it!" House shouted, causing them to flinch. He turned to Wilson. "See? They obey easier when the Red Ranger shouts."

Wilson shrugged. As long as it wasn't him being yelled at, he was pretty much okay.

"So, Red Ranger, what is out first plan against the evil Queen Bansheera?" He inquired to further distract House from yelling.

People walking by the glass-walled office had begun to stare. Nurses, knowing that this was House's office, warned people that yes everything was alright don't be worried it's just House he's crazy. They had to tell people this a lot. Oh the trials of being a nurse.

"I'm glad you asked, Blue Ranger." House grinned, a maniac glint in his eyes.

"I hate that look." Chase moaned, dropping his head to the table.

"First, we re-locate to our base of operations."

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Cuddy was on a mission. Yes, her mission included finding House. On regular basis that was her mission and in her opinion it was an ongoing mission that consumed her job and left her angry at House and angry at everyone else for small reasons.

But today her mission was not only 'find that bastard', it was 'find that bastard, his jackass of a friend, and his stupid team'. This caused Cuddy to be angrier and pissed off then usual.

House had been weird lately. It was the hat that piqued her interest. House had a red baseball cap that he wore in various positions atop his head. Cuddy had reason to believe the hat Wilson was wearing, a blue one, was being forced upon him by House.

Another thing that made Cuddy very angry is that they weren't supposed to wear the damn hats. It didn't seem to stop them.

The nurses that it was cute that House and Wilson wearing the colored caps. 'Especially Dr. Wilson,' they'd giggle and then blush if they saw her coming or cough and continue about their business if they saw Cuddy glaring. Nurses. Psshaw. There was nothing _cute_ about it. It was annoying and best stopped now.

She patrolled the hallways of the hospital, her high-heeled shoes clicking against the ground noisily. Where was House? Come to that, where was Wilson, Foreman, Chase and Cameron?

Lisa Cuddy knew something was going on.

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"Pink Ranger, report." The Red Ranger commanded.

"The nurses think the hats are cute." Chase said, sighing, and looked hesitant to continue. "Especially Dr. Wilson's." He frowned and blushed slightly.

Wilson grinned. "Why thank you Chase but I'm really not ready for a relationship right now."

Chase blushed brighter but in the darkness no one could see. They could, however, hear him mutter, "Bloody buggers."

House's 'base of operations' was an almost-empty storage room on the 3rd floor. The lights had burned out and there were empty boxes lying around sadly as if to say, 'we are lonely boxes'. They were happy to have company—the boxes, that is.

House, as the Red Ranger, had given orders to his team: ("and you have to wear the hats!" he told them) Chase was to infiltrate Queen Bansheera's minions, a.k.a. the nurses, Foreman had been sent out to find walkie talkies ("What kind of plan would this be without walkie talkies!" House had shouted), and Cameron had been told to get refreshments and other important doohickeys. These refreshments, as commanded by House and Wilson, were as follows: Vicodin, energy drinks, Cheetos, gummi bears, and ice cream. Cameron's protests of 'the ice cream will melt!' had no effect on them. Other things she had to acquire were, also commanded by House and Wilson: marbles, duct tape, paperclips, squirt guns, bungee cords, did we mention marbles, mascara, peanut butter, Jell-O, construction paper, some potatoes not mashed, markers, and last but not least an elephant ("It's VITAL!"). Cameron had a feeling they just wanted to get rid of her. House and Wilson were to stay behind, hold down the fort, and elaborate on the more finer points of House's very jumbled plan.

Chase had suggested, as they all left, that House and Wilson just wanted to be alone to have hot and passionate sex in their absence but Foreman insisted that no, that was something_ Pink_ Ranger would do with the Red Ranger, before he ran off to get walkie talkies.

"Pink Ranger, you have failed me once again. This is why you're the Pink Ranger. Go on and get some information we don't already know, thanks very much." House waved him off and Chase rolled his eyes before departing.

"Stupid nurses." House remarked.

Wilson shot him a look.

"Okay, fine, the hat is very flattering on one such as yourself." House relented, sighing, and then began to discuss his top-secret plan.

"Are you sure we need the elephant?" Wilson asked very skeptically, thinking for about the millionth time in the latest hours, 'House has lost it'.

"Yes, we need the elephant. I just forgot to mention to Cameron it didn't need to be a real elephant. Oh well." House smirked evilly and then laughed his manically laugh, the one he saved for special occasions such as this.

"Shh, the nurses will hear us." Wilson whispered.

"Pshaw. Nurses." House scoffed loudly.

"Or, Queen Bansheera!" Wilson hissed, and House quickly stopped being loud however difficult it was for him.

"Let's hope the Yellow and Green Rangers don't fail us. Otherwise we might as well surrender." The Blue Ranger commented lightly as he kicked a sad box out of the way. The box cried. But alas, it had no mouth to cry out of. Pity the box.

"Power Rangers never give up! The plan will work!" The Red Ranger whisper-yelled.

"Well, okay. If you say so." The Blue Ranger shrugged as a box cursed silently at him.

The Yellow, Pink, and Green Rangers were not so convinced.

The Pink Ranger was disgruntled because he didn't like the nurses. They always seemed to display a want of putting him in a skirt and makeup to show everyone that he made a pretty girl. He already knew that.

The Green Ranger had happily completed his task and was now treating himself with a drink at some bar, wondering what the elephant was for and how many drinks he could finish before he was phoned by House to come back.

The Yellow Ranger was thrown out of Wal-Mart for asking where could she buy an elephant, please? incessantly.

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AN: SpellCheck hates my fragmented sentences. To SpellCheck I say DIE YOU ANTI FRAGMENTED SENTENCE BASTARD.

Reviews are lovely.

So is cake, though...

I want cake.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Don't own Power Rangers. Don't own House. I do have a hat, though.

Author's note: Wow, people like this. Thanks for the cake, guys.

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The Yellow Ranger, dejectedly, decided to shop somewhere else besides Wal-mart. The employees there had politely asked for her to leave after she had asked many people there in which section she could find an elephant. They believed her mentally damaged. She insisted that, no, she was a doctor this was really important can they help her? and that was when they got tired of being polite and called security, leaving her with a hatred of Wal-Mart that faded quickly because the Yellow Ranger can't hate people easily, unlike the Red Ranger.

Shopko was the next best option. This time she decided to not ask people where they shelved the large mammals and instead opted for looking for herself. When there, she picked up the other things she needed, pushing her heavily-laden cart around the store.

Where to find an elephant? Maybe House didn't want a real elephant, it occurred to her suddenly because sometimes she's a bit slow on the uptake. (Not the brightest Brady in the Bunch.) In that case, Cameron headed toward the toy section and chose a fluffy pink sparkly one that, when standing up, reached her knees. In addition, when its ear was squeezed, it said things like, "I love you" and "you're my best friend". Even if she wondered if pink fluffy sparkly elephants could feel love and have best friends or even why a elephant would need a best friend or who would want to squeeze an elephant's ear in the first place, this was good enough.

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Mhmm. Beer.

The Green Ranger was on his what-number-is-this drink when his phone rang. He ignored it. But the buzzing persisted. By this rather annoying trait he knew it was House.

He answered the cell phone, "Green Ranger reporting," rather drunkenly.

"Have you the walkie talkies?" House's voice rang out over the phone very loudly.

"Yup."

"Where are you, then?"

He decided it was no use trying to lie. "Drinking."

"Admittedly, I would_ love _to join you but you really need to come back."

"Why's that?"

"1. We need the walkie talkies. 2. We're locked in."

"Locked in where?"

"Our base."

"The empty storage room?"

"The _base._"

"Empty storage room."

"Base."

"Empty room!"

"Base!"

On House's end, someone shouted, "stop that!" Foreman guessed, rather accurately, that it was Wilson sounding quite impatient.

"Why can't Chase get you out? He's there. He's pink."

"Chase...locked us in."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you if you get us out."

"Why can't you call Cameron?"

"Won't answer her cell. Probably got distracted by something shiny."

"Mhmm. Can't you call anyone else?"

"You just don't want to stop drinking. Either get over here and get us out or I'll make you the Pink Ranger."

"You can't do that."

"I'm the Red Ranger. I _so_ can.

"Can not."

"Can to."

"Can not."

"Can to."

"Can not."

"Can to."

Again Wilson yelled, "Quit!" and House did, telling Foreman, "Get here quickly, or you'll be the new Chase," before hanging up.

Foreman cursed before paying for his drinks and leaving.

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The Pink Ranger hated his job.

_Especially _when it included nurses.

Nurses were annoying. Not good enough to be doctors, not wimpy enough to be secretaries.

To get the image of nurses, think of high school. Think of the tiring group of girls who giggled too much, thought too little, and always had the major gossip. _Nurses_.

"Oh Dr. Chase you have such lovely hair."

"What kind of conditioner do you use?"

"Are you a cross dresser?"

"You'd make a great cross dresser."

"You have a perfect waist for a skirt!"

"With some mascara and a little bush and eye shadow, no one would know you were a boy!"

"Although you do make a handsome boy."

"But that Dr. Wilson..."

Here they all sighed like schoolgirls.

All Chase had learned from hanging around the nurses, all the while acting charming and putting up with their giggling and snide remarks about thefemale doctors, ("_can you believe Dr. Tambrence wears her hair like that? ugh, so eighties!" "and that Dr. Cooper has no idea what age cream is, does she?" _although Chase noted no one spoke ill of Cuddy which he thought was a rather good idea.) and crushes on the male doctors, ("_Dr.Wilson_!" most often and sometimes, "_House_!") was that: a) Doctor Wilson was a heartthrob in a polite, nice, handsome way. b) Dr. House was a heartthrob in a gruff, mean, and suffering sort of way. c) Dr. Cameron should wear her hair down more often. d)Dr. Foreman was the ethnic heartthrob. e) Dr. Cuddy devoted herself too much to her work, and what's with the male secretary. f) Dr. Chase would make a wonderful cross dresser. g) The hats are cute on Dr. House and Dr. Wilson, it looks gangsta on Dr. Foreman, and Dr. Cameron would do best to not seem so giddy about the hat, it's_ just a hat _for God's sake.

Most of these Chase did not care to know, and although he knew they would amuse House, he didn't feel like telling his boss. He did, however, and then House responded with 'that's not good enough' and 'you need to go undercover, then' and 'go put on a skirt and a nurses outfit and truly infiltrate their masses'. To which Chase did a very smart but very dangerous thing: he locked Wilson and House in the 'base' in a fit of anger and dashed down to the cafeteria.

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The Blue Ranger had tired of standing and had now sat down beside a few boxes. Even if they'd only been in there maybe an hour, he had still beaten out the Red Ranger in the standing up contest, as House gave up after about five minutes and now sat with his back against the wall, humming. Not like beating him in a standing up contest would be a hard thing to do, mind.

"I still don't get your plan." Wilson remarked, moving the boxes around, bored because being locked in a storage room is no fun even if there _are_ boxes.

"Well," House tapped his can atop a box. The box whined. Wilson yawned and House continued, "It's very complicated."

"I can see that."

"And it involves paperclips."

"What a MacGyver."

"And potatoes."

"We're not in Idaho."

"An elephant, too."

"You're crossing Ranger boundaries, here, House."

"Mhmm. We're a new breed of Power Ranger. The best yet. Know why we're the best?"

"...we're...smart?"

"No. We are smart, but that's not it."

"...doctors?"

"Close."

"...we have a male Pink Ranger?"

"You're getting warmer..."

"A limping, postal, druggie Red Ranger?"

"I'm not a mailman!"

"Postal as in crazy."

"Then you've got it! You have the most genius Red Ranger ever. In fact, probably the best Ranger _period_."

"Therefore by association I must be the best Blue Ranger."

"I was _just_ getting there."

"I do think there have been better Pink Rangers then ours."

"It is _Chase_. The only thing he's good at is having nice hair."

"...excuse me?"

"But you have better hair."

"Thank you. That's why I'm the Blue Ranger."

-----------

A gaggle of nurses stood huddled together on the 4th floor, whispering and snickering. Queen Bansheera advanced upon her minions, stomping angrily.

"Don't you have JOBS?" She shrieked at them, and they squealed, scattering.

"Find HOUSE! AND HIS DAMN TEAM!" Cuddy yelled as they ran as fast away as they could from the super-angry, super-determined Queen of Evil. Well, wouldn't you?

---------------

The Yellow Ranger was faced with the difficult task of getting to the third floor of the hospital, carrying bags of food and odd items and a stuffed elephant without being seen by Queen Bansheera or any of the minions.

She had parked her car outside of the hospital, wondering what to do and well aware that the ice cream in the trunk of her car had most likely melted by now. This saddened her slightly, because now the Red Ranger was going to yell at her.

The Green Ranger pulled up sharply in his car next to her, waving happily and grinning.

Cameron frowned. He must be drunk, she thought.

To further prove this point, Foreman drove his vehicle too close to the parking-stopper thing and bumped into it, laughing.

Then he hopped out, carrying a plastic bag, and made his way to her car.

"Hello, fellow Ranger. Accompany me on a quest to the base of operations?" He asked, slurring his words slightly, and Cameron's frown deepened before she nodded in desperation, wanting any help she could get. Even from a drunk like Foreman.

---------------

All the Pink Ranger was doing was enjoying a piece of cake with his hat pulled low over his face so the evil Queen Bansheera wouldn't find him.

The nurses, however, managed to find him and surrounded him like raptors, telling Chase with their high-pitched voices, "That cake won't be good for your figure!"

----------

AN: Ahh! REVIEW.

OR DIE.

Just kidding.

Gosh. I need, yes, cake. Or chocolate. Mhmm. Muffins. Chocolatecakemuffins..


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own House and Power Rangers, mwahahah...not really.

Author's Note: Short chapter, I think, but thanks to all my lovely reviewers and such, blah blah blah. By the way, I have a picture of Hugh Laurie hanging on my wall.

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"So bored."

"Well, we are locked in a storage room."

"It's the base."

"Sorry. The base...with burned out lights."

"It's for...the effect."

"And boxes."

"To store things in, of course."

"They're empty."

"When we get stuff."

"When the Yellow Ranger comes back."

"_If_ the Yellow Ranger comes back."

"Have faith, Red Ranger."

"It's a bit difficult."

"She's more trustworthy then the Pink Ranger."

"Hmm. Where is he?"

"Flirting with nurses? Joining Cuddy's side? Telling on you? Eating? Running away? Quitting? Becoming an astronaut just to go into space because it's as far away as you from possible?"

"You've thought about this a lot, haven't you, Blue Ranger?"

"I _always_ say it's good to have back up plans."  
...  
"Damn."

"What?"

"It's dark in here."

"There's no light."

"Ergo, the darkness."

"Did we tell Cameron to get flashlights?"

"...damn. No."

"Or spoons, I suppose."

"Why would we need spoons?"

"Ice cream."

"We don't have ice cream."

"Yes, but you told her to get some."

"No, you did."

"No, you did."

"You did."

"You did."

"No, you did."

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"That."

"What?"

"THIS!"

"Oh, okay then."

"When's Foreman coming to get us out?"

"He's probably still at that bar, drinking...stealing cars...doing some drugs..."

"You have no trust in your employees."

"I'm not supposed to."

"Yes, isn't that the House philosophy?"

"God, no. It's 'everybody lies'."

"Mhmm..."

"Are you falling asleep?"

"...nnmm...no..."

"Wilson!"

"...nnghh...stop hitting me with your cane!...ghhf."

"You were falling asleep!"

"...still...am...mmmhh..."

"...Mission status: Yellow Ranger presumed lost, Green Ranger drunk, Pink Ranger also presumed lost and maybe going over to the dark side, Blue Ranger is unconscious, and the Red Ranger is _pissed off_."

"...gghhhmm..."

"We're not very good Power Rangers, I think."

"...fnnamh..."

"Thanks for the support."

------------

"Hold these." Cameron shoved bags of items into Foreman's arm and then turned back to the trunk of car, taking a few bags herself and one pink elephant.

"What's that for?" Foreman asked, looking over the mountain of plastic bags in his arms at the pink stuffed elephant, which started talking, "marry me!"

This stunned both of them for a minute. "And why does it want to marry me?"

"I have no idea." Cameron replied and then slammed the trunk of her car closed.

Cameron and Foreman turned to the doors of the hospital, facing the challenge ahead of them with faltering bravery and drunken stupidity, respectively.

It was getting rather late. The sun begun to set at they made their way through the doors.

"I don't know how we're going to--" Cameron began to say nervously, pausing inside, but Foreman started to walk straight across the lobby, which was very crowded even at this time of the day, to the elevators.

"No, not the elevator!" Cameron hissed, rushing forward and dragging him to wall.

"Why not?"

"Because they'll find us there." Cameron walked against the wall over to the stairwell, Foreman following and saying, "You sound like House."

The name itself seemed to send everyone who worked there on high alert. The secretary looked around suspiciously, the nurses giggled and huddled together, and the patients ran away screaming bloody murder.

In the stairwell, Cameron realized that although a drunken Foreman was a much more agreeable Foreman, a drunken Foreman was also a loud, uncoordinated, and emotional Foreman.

From the first floor the second floor, Foreman dropped two bags of food and stuff, and shouted his apologies to Cameron so loud that people poked their heads inside from the doors and inquired of the okayness, which Cameron was obliged to assure them of and reassure them they were, in fact, okay, even when Foreman yelled it was his fault so sorry.

From the second to the third floor was when things heated up. Uhm, not _that _way. A nurse came down the stairs, looking incredibly alert and perky, for which Cameron, tired and her hair a mess, cursed her. Cameron, being sober, knew that the nurses were on Cuddy's side and would recognize Cameron and Foreman and tell on them and then House would get mad and so on and so forth. So Cameron bumped into Foreman, causing bags to tumble from his arms and him to cry out, "WHY, GOD?" and they both bent over picking things up while the nurse walked by, muttering something about crack addicted lunatics and oh _dear_ look at that girl's hair.

Cameron sighed with relief when the nurse was gone, but Foreman sobbed, angry with himself for dropping the bags again.

"How many drinks did you have?" asked Cameron, exasperated.

"Two!" He said, and then, suddenly, stood back up with the bags in his arms, and went back to walking up the stairs.

Cameron had a huge and undoubtedly true suspicion that Foreman had more then two drinks.

---------------

"I'm _not_ going to wear a skirt _again_!" The Pink Ranger shouted at a nurse after 10 minutes of her telling him that he should wear a skirt, and she recoiled, flinching.

Chase blushed bright red, not because of the nurse, but because everyone else in the room stared unblinkingly.

A man nearby said, "You've wore one before?" in a very Foreman or House way. The man raised an eyebrow and smirked.

Chase blushed brighter. He quickly left the cafeteria and headed towards the nearest doctor's lounge.

------------------

Queen Bansheera breathed fire at her minions and then stabbed a fork into her desk.

Okay, not really. She screamed at her secretary and tossed a pencil across the room.

Close enough.

-------------------

"Uhm, hey did I mention House and Wilson are in the closet? Locked in?" The Green Ranger slurred hurriedly as they reached the third floor door.

"Closet?" Cameron inquired, because it soundly vaguely homosexual but nothing she wouldn't put past the two.

"Er, storage room. That's right."

"Locked in?"

"Is there an echo?"

"How'd they get locked in?"

"Chase locked them in.

"Good for him."

"I don't know why."

"Oh."

Cameron pushed open the door and asked, glancing at the lobby and the people loitering about, probably some of them spies for Cuddy, "What's our plan of action?"

"Run like hell."

"I'm game."

And that's what they did.

Amazingly, nothing falling from their bags during this dash to the 'base'. The base was located in an off-to-the-side hallway that nobody but doctors pretending to be Power Rangers came to.

Luckily and oddly enough, the only people to notice them were patients. The patients stared and murmured amongst themselves and wondered if those lunatics were doctors and what was with that elephant?

Cameron skidded gracefully to a halt in front of the door to the base. Foreman stumbled and fell on his back, laughing wildly.

"How to unlock the door?" She muttered to herself while Foreman picked himself and the items up off the ground.

She set down the elephant and fiddled with the door knob.

Oh, it was a just lock-from-the-outside kind of doorknob. She unlocked it, placing the elephant back in her arms, and pushed open the door, hearing a grunt of, "What the hell?"

She poked her head in, interested, "Hello? House, Wilson, anyone alive?" and then entered completely, saying with her sing-song voice, "I'm back… with an elephant!"

Foreman followed quickly, commenting, "Ha, Chase locked you out!"

With the small light coming from the door, Cameron could see that House was sitting up against the wall, hitting a box back and forth with his cane. Wilson was laying on his side on the floor, apparently sleeping due to his random sounds, "…ngmmh..." with his tie off and his shoes across the room.

House had taken his shoes off, too, and Cameron could see his socks did not match, one red, one black.

"Look it's my Ranger Rescue team!" House exclaimed, sitting up straighter. "Nice to see you've arrived, finally."

At this point, Cameron pulled a box out one of the bags with the uncanny woman ability to grab just the right thing she needed. She opened the box and displayed a yellow flashflight happily before turning it on and shutting the door.

"Wow." House stared. "Light. Pretty. Ooh."

Cameron laughed, and tossed him another flashlight from another box she took from another bag.

"I didn't even tell you to get flashlights." House said, taking his flashlight, a red one, and clicking it on, flooding the room with light.

"Sorry, I just thought—" Cameron frowned.

"No, it's good…spoons?" He asked hopefully.

"Spoons?" Cameron took a bag and tossed him a box of plastic spoons from it.

"Amazing." House admired. "You are a better Ranger then Chase."

Cameron smiled proudly.

"It's not that hard, don't get so excited." He assured her, and then looked at Foreman, who seemed to get a good idea from Wilson and had lay on the floor and fallen asleep.

"How many drinks did he have?" House asked, then began rummaging through the bags, against Cameron's offerings of 'let me help'.

House tossed the bag of Cheetos at the Wilson, saying loudly, "Get up, Sleeping Beauty, there's food and ice cream."

Wilson shifted and then mumbled something.

"Yes, spoons." House opened the thing of ice cream and the spoons and began eating the almost-melted ice cream. He chucked a spoon at Wilson, who fidgeted and sat up drowsily, staring at the spoon.

"Spoon." He stated, as if to make sure of himself and then nodded and moved over to House and also started digging into the ice cream.

Cameron looked on sadly until House also chucked a spoon at her and she helped them eat the tub of ice cream.

"So, why'd Chase lock you in?" She asked.

"We tried to tell him to put on a skirt to infiltrate the other side." House explained.

"Oh." Cameron shrugged.

"Yeah."

"What next?"

"Cheetos and Vicodin!" House sang.

Cameron said, disapprovingly, "Didn't you have a plan of some sort?"

"Uh huh. But, we need Chase. Why don't you go find him? He likes you."

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"_Fiine_."

"Fine…And watch out for Cuddy. She thinks you're the weak one, rightly so, and will try to get you on her side. DON'T BELIEVE HER LIES! And don't pull a Chase and lock us in."  
-----------------

"What do you mean, you saw Foreman and Cameron?" Queen Bansheera seethed quietly with anger at the shaking nurses before her. "And you didn't tell me this earlier WHY?"

"B-b-be-because...you...you...you're sc-scary…" The nurse whimpered, and Cuddy growled, and the girl literally scampered from the room.

"I will kill House." She swore and breathed fire again.

--------------

AN: Mhmm. Reviews are yummy. Muffinmuffinmuffin.

This thing is getting a lot of good reviews, mostly telling me I'm insane, because I am. Mwaha.

Oh, by the by, go read my other stories. Okay, I only have one other story, a Spider-Man parody, that's only got, like, a very small amount of reviews, and in my opinion (aka a not very sane one) it's very good.

Also, please tell me if I have typos anywhere here please please please. It's doubtful, but, y'know.

Review, I say.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Own nor House nor Rangers nor Cats nor Grease...

Author's Note: Hmm...I love Batman.

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"Where are all the NURSES!" Queen Bansheera roared at her secretary. The secretary, Joseph, (who reminded her strongly of Chase; maybe it was the girly-ness) mumbled and squealed incoherently.

"**DAMNIT**!" She shrieked.

It wasn't hard to tell, but House was really on her nerves today. He was so..._grr_. She wanted to drop-kick small innocent animals whenever she thought about House and how angry she was. Or kick House. Or throw stuff at her secretary.

On second thought, the last option seemed like an acceptable idea, so she growled and chucked a stapler at the cowering worker. She smiled cheerfully, forgetting momentarily her lack of minions and doctors.

---------------

Unbeknownst to Queen Bansheera, her mindless minions had teamed up together against a common foe: The Pink Ranger. They had offered to him, they had begged with him, they had even asked politely, but now they would have to resort to force.

Brenda was the least mindless of them all. In fact, she was Queen Bansheera's right-hand minion. It made sense she was the Head Nurse at the hospital. In many ways was she like Cuddy...except Brenda was a nurse and doomed to live a life of brainless nurse-ness. Brenda, a smart, cunning, sly and pretty nurse, had a plan that would get her a high pay raise and a better job.

She convinced the other nurses (the stupider ones) that this plan was also good for them, and that was how they agreed.

----------------

The Red Ranger chucked a Cheeto at the dozing Green Ranger, snickering.

The Blue Ranger sat and watched; half-interested in what Red Ranger was doing, half-interested in the bag of Cheetos. Seeing as he hadn't eaten much today (locked in the base and making complicated plans against the Queen of Evil wears a person out, especially when aforementioned actions involve the Red Ranger House), he was more interested in the bag of Cheetos.

The boxes were making slow progress in surrounding House. After a while, House noticed and pushed them back with his cane, shouting, "Be gone, Box-Demons!" to which to boxes hissed at him.

Wilson warned House, "Don't hit the boxes. Be nice to them."

"Err, why?

"The boxes have amazing powers, House. Powers even the likes of you would not understand." Wilson said in a creepy voice. House stared blankly, then decided something and tossed Wilson an energy drink.

"Caffeine. Learn it, embrace it, love it."

Wilson took House's advice and snapped the can open, sipping it and making a face. "It's pure sugar."

"And caffeine. Yum, I know." House opened one for himself and grinned as he downedit in 20 seconds flat.

Opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something, Wilson thought better of it, shrugged, and started to drink the large and brightly colored energy drink.

-------------------

The Yellow Ranger pouted, depressed. She had checked the cafeteria, House's office, the break room, the oncology offices and break rooms, the ob-gyn lounge, the maternity waiting room, the main lobby, the stairwells, the bathrooms, the psych ward waiting room, the psych ward, the parking lot (Chase's car was there), and finally, she had wandered by Cuddy's office, glancing in there before running off just in case.

Queen Bansheera, luckily, did not recognize the Yellow Ranger when the Yellow Ranger had her hat dipped low over her face and a patient's gown on.

And no Pink Ranger _anywhere._

Cameron knew this wasn't good. Even if Chase did lock House and Wilson in, she knew that he wouldn't go to Cuddy's side and work with the nurses and...

**The nurses.**

Oh, _no._

A sudden thought came to the Yellow Ranger, and _about freaking time_, too. She dashed off with a dusty but lit light bulb over her head.

-------------------

The Pink Ranger had just been casually strolling down the 4th floor corridors and abruptly a nurse jumped out in front of him with a brainless smile on her face. He turned away, disgusted, and there was another one...and another one...and another one...they had him surrounded and then advanced upon him, giggling, and as they gagged him and tied him up, shoving him into a closet, he could the Evil Nurse Brenda's maniac-glinted eyes, and he was strongly reminded of House before he was blindfolded.

-------------------

The Green Ranger stirred and awoke to find himself heavily surrounded by Cheetos, found Red Ranger heavily surrounded by boxes, and found Blue Ranger to be very hyper indeed.

"House, _why_ am I surrounded by _Cheetos_?" Foreman asked, in a low even voice, even though he already knew the answer.

His head hurt a lot A lot a lot. _Really _a lot. Like a bowling ball. Not just any bowling ball. One that's been hit by a train and then had a sledgehammer come falling on it from very high up in the sky, like from a building or an airplane or an alien spaceship. Shortly after the sledgehammer incident, the aforementioned bowling ball, or rather what's left of it, fell off a cliff very roughly while on fire and got attacked by hungry leopards and rabid zebras. That's how his head felt, in as few words as possible.

"Oh, no reason; I seem to have trouble eating. And, oh, you're the Black Ranger now." House said in a very loud voice. At least, it sounded like it to Foreman's hit-by-a-train-and-a-sledgehammer-dropped-on-it-and-fell-off-a-cliff-on-fire-and-attacked-by-mad-animals-bowling-ball head. House tossed a black cap at him, and Foreman noticed that the green one was gone.

In response Foreman moaned and covered his head in his hands. "I don't want to be the Black Ranger. It's racist and I like green better."

"So what? I'm the Red Ranger. I can do that. Blackie!" Happily House threw another Cheeto and Foreman cussed excessively. Now his bowling-ball head was having multi-colored confetti thrown all around it, and that wouldn't be so bad except for the Barry Manilow playing in the background and then the bowling ball was suddenly licked by a fuzzy pink elephant and then a Light Saber chopped it in half and the piano about to fall despairingly and oh! the piano missed the bowling ball but oh dear here comes a safe and it's not slowing down…

From the other side of the room, Wilson chuckled.

Foreman swore at him and was about to explain the increasingly poor condition of his head when the door swung open and a flustered and breathless Cameron entered.

"Chase...is…" She began, panting, her hair disheveled and messy.

"Chase is what?" Wilson inquired, blinking.

"Very good at passionate broom closet sex, I'd say by the looks of Cameron." House chirped quickly.

Cameron glared at him and tried to continue but Foreman shot at House, "Had any experience at that, House?" with an implied glance at Wilson.

"Why, interested?" House countered, beaming amusedly.

Cameron shouted, "Shut up! Chase...has...been...kidnapped by..." she inhaled and exhaled loudly, "nurses!"

Everyone paused at what they were doing to stare at her.

House voiced the thought on everyone's minds, very slowly, "Why." It wasn't even a question, more like a demand.

"Um..." Cameron faltered. Why? _Why!_ **HOW WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO KNOW**? "I...I...d-don't know, but I saw them..." she trailed off.

"No, you didn't. You just think was taken by them because you can't find him." House explained, and everyone went back to what they were doing previously. Foreman brushed away a few Cheetos, and Wilson sipped his energy drink with shaking hands.

Worriedly, House turned to the Blue Ranger and gently took the caffeinated beverage from him and told him quietly, "Too much a good thing, Wilson..."

Wilson made a pathetic grabbing motion at the rapidly-moving-away-from-him drink and then sighed, crossing his arms over his chest like a dejected child.

Cameron sputtered. "But...but...then where IS he? He's not anywhere, I don't know...can't...find him..." She frowned and was obviously worked up about this too much. Closing the door, she came in and sat down, sorrowful.

All was quiet for a while.

House hummed, Wilson closed his eyes and murmured nothingness, apparently asleep, Foreman cussed and moaned about his head in his corner, and Cameron was on the verge of tears. Today was not her day. She was failing as a Power Ranger and why couldn't she be good at anything and why did her boss hate her and oh what the _hell_ is the elephant for, huh?.

"Cameron." House said to her quietly.

"Yes?" She replied, a heavy tone of lament in her voice.

"_What is wrong with you_?"

"Huh?" _Now_ she felt like crying.

"I mean, why are you getting so **damned** worked up? It's a game. You're not even_ bad_ at this particular game. I _don't_ hate you. You _aren't_ a bad Power Ranger, because 1) you're not drunk and/or hung over, and 2) you're not Chase."

Cameron laughed, appearing happier already.

"See? You're better, now, go find Chase." House commanded, waving his hand toward the door. "Bring items of mass destruction: the marbles, the duct tape, and squirt guns. Use them wisely." He bowed and then motioned her away.

Smiling, she collected her objects and then left, feeling rather proud of herself.

House made a face after she left. "Oh, if only she wasn't such a cry baby."

Beside him Wilson softly mumbled something and leaned his head on House's shoulder, dozing off.

Rolling his eyes, House decided that it was better to let his Blue Ranger get some sleep then anger the Blue Ranger so House just sighed and tossed some more stuff at Foreman till he paid attention.

"Go help Cameron. She'll need it. You won't feel bad about punching out young nurse-women, will you?" House quirkily broke the silence and told Foreman to take the elephant, potatoes, and paperclips, which he did.

Foreman, before leaving, lifted a curious eyebrow at the sleeping Wilson but House flipped him off and shooed him away.

_Black Formerly-Green Ranger_...pshaw. Now, _Blue Ranger_..._there's_ a Ranger House could live with…er, literally and figuratively.

-------------

In her office of DOOM, Queen Bansheera, blinked, getting a highly implausible idea…'no, it would never work…or…just maybe…' and then she smiled, truly and somewhere on earth a happy lovebird dropped dead and a baby kitty came down with a fatal case of a incurable disease.

-------------

A knee length skirt, a flowery long-sleeved blouse, one inch high heels, some blush and a touch of mascara and eyeliner, a dash of mouse and pinch of hairspray...

Eyebrow plucking, a quick shave, some tanning lotion and foundation, clear nail polish…

Dr. Chase made a lovely girl. Albeit a reluctant one.

------------

"Marry me!" The elephant chirped as Foreman held it under one arm. He punched it angrily and it continued, "I'm devoted to you, Eric!"

Foreman stared, open mouthed, at the toy. "What?"

"We can have chocolate cake at our wedding, just like you always wanted!" It said in a lovesick high-toned voice.

"Sorry…no." Foreman dropped the elephant on the ground and dashed off in a mad fit of insanity, because the fluffy pink sparkly elephant had just addressed him by name and knew what kind of cake he wanted at his wedding, which was something very odd, something you didn't see everyday…even if you did work with House.

-------------

"Dr. Foreman!" A shrill voice called out.

Foreman stopped dead, gasping for air.

He knew that voice…that voice…

The owner of that voice caught up to the winded and flabbergasted Dr. Eric Foreman very quickly, but it seemed all in very slow motion as the woman's heels clicked dangerously on the ground…

Queen Bansheera smiled seductively at Foreman.

And his bowling ball head was smashed underneath an 18-wheeler trunk with a blind, no-handed, serial killer driver and then chewed on by rottweilers and had Cheetos tossed at it…

"Now, Dr. Foreman, what's the rush? I'm sure you can take a break…" she stood close to him, way _too_ close to him in fact, still smiling in that tempting way, "…for a little while?"

Foreman was torn. He should not be finding his boss that sexy, should he? No. He should be finding Cameron and helping her, right...right…right…_no, _it was apparent very soon as Cuddy mentioned she had a bottle of wine in her office, which she didn't mention was dimly lit and smelled of roses and...and…lies and deception, yes, that's what it was. What a lovely smell. Smelled like House's office or his girlfriend's food.

---------------

"_It's raining…on prom night…" _The Red Ranger sang, incredibly off key, "_my hair is a mess…it's running…all over…my taffeta dress…_"

"**Stop**. **Singing.**" Grunted the Blue Ranger forcefully as he sat up, awakening completely now.

"Well, stop sleeping." House rationalized.

"But I'm so _bored._" Wilson whined, playing with his sleeves, which were rolled up to his elbows.

House lilted with joy, "We could take Foreman's suggestion and have passionate broom closet sex," jokingly.

Wilson stared, aghast, "_Broom closet_ sex in a _storage room_? Never. I'm not some common dime-a-dozen slut, House." He warned sarcastically, "I would need an actual broom closet and some...mhmm...alcohol. Why didn't we get alcohol?" it suddenly occurred to him.

"Because the other doctors can sniff out that stuff like _bloodhounds._" House thumped his cane on the ground for emphasis and Wilson considered this and then agreed with a nod.

He stood up to stretch. "When do we come into this master plan?"

"When something actually goes _according_ to plan." Explained House, bored, as if he'd said this for the thousandth time.

"Fine, fine." Wilson sighed, and leaned against the wall. He ran a hand through his hair and then asked anxiously, "Is my hair really better then Chase's?"

"Yes, stop asking." House reassured Wilson and then started humming, soon singing softly, "_Greased lightning, go greased lightning…_"

Wilson kicked a box at House, glaring with a passionate hatred. "**No**. **Singing**. **Grease**."

The box, however upset at being kicked, whimpered in agreement.

"_Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a cat as clever as Magical Mister Mistofo—_" House began again, louder this time and more off key, a twisted grin on his face, but was cut off by Wilson who, still glaring angrily and death-threateningly, "**Or**. **Cats**!" and tossed a box at House, who ducked, laughing maniacally.

---------------

Nurses, nurses, where to find nurses…the Yellow Ranger could not think under pressure. So bad this got she stopped to ask a secretary on the 6th floor where the nurses could be found and the secretary stated slowly, "The nurse's lounge." Cameron thanked her and then left for the nurse's lounge before realizing she didn't know where the nurse's lounge was. Whoops. Didn't they have maps 'round here somewhere? She wondered vaguely, not noticing the plate on the door in front of her labeled, "NURSES LOUNGE."

-----------

AN: Review!

Hey, we have a dog, a poodle, named Kloe but we call her Pumpkin Doodle Muffin Head, and I did get a muffin today, yay me.

Haha. Also, any pairings in the story are subject to change. For the record, I am _**NOT**_ a House/Cam shipper. Even though I think I accidently wrote some, didn't I? Damn, I know. I don't really have a ship. Err, yes.

Actually I had an alternate ending to this chapter but it was crap because it involved Cuddy gaining control of the base.

I give credit for the phrase 'drop kicking small innocent animals' to one of my friends, because that's what he said when our English teacher asked him how he felt.

And, ohmygosh, I hate McDonald's food but they have the best Happy Meal toys. Who agrees? (rhetorical question, folks..) The fries are yummy, huh yeah? I think it's funny how the commercial says the hamburgers are 100 percent beef. And it's even funnier that my older brother applied for a job there and he didn't get it.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Own nothing, obviously.

Author's Note: Tonight my mother made me pineapple upside down cake. I love pineapple. I love cake. I can die happy.

--------------

**NURSE'S LOUNGE**. The letters glared at Cameron like House glared at Cameron when Chase wasn't around for him to glare at.

She took a deep breath and lifted one of her perfectly manicured hands to the doorknob at the same moment the door opened and Brenda The Supremely Evil Nurse poked her head out, glaring at Cameron like the letters NURSE'S LOUNGE glared at Cameron.

"What do you want, Doctor Cameron?" She hissed. Cameron flustered. Scary, frightening nurses. Wimpy, scaredy-cat Cameron. Not a good combination.

"Uhm...I was...j-just...looking for uh...er...well...have you--" Cameron mumbled, shifting around and avoiding Brenda's evil burning gaze.

"Doctor Cameron," Brenda began, and made_ 'doctor Cameron_' sound like she was saying _'you lying bitch'_, "if you intend to stand there and stutter at me, I will have to interrupt you and inform you are wasting my time."

Cameron blinked. "Uhm. Okay. Then. I'll...just..." She trailed off, cringed, and then flitted away, head down, wanting to cry. She was such a horrible Power Ranger.

However, compared to the rest, she was great.

---------

The Black Ranger tipped sideways dizzily, the dim room spinning.

_Wine_.

That was it.

Wine.

That was the problem.

That was why he was spinning and his head had become some sort of semi-bowling ball, shards of a former bowling ball, and he couldn't form coherent sentences although did he even need to?

Wine.

He looked curiously into the wine glass. Thick red liquid, swirling beautifully. Wine.

"Good wine?" Asked a voice from the chair across from him.

As usual from Foreman's experiences, the voice belonged to a body and the body in this case happened to be a very nice female body. This very nice body however had a very evil aura about it and this body had a very evil brain but a lovely voice.

Cuddy.

Wine.

Somehow this didn't add up in his head, something screamed he shouldn't be here, why wasn't he...where he was supposed to be. Where was that? Oh, right. Somewhere besides getting drunk with his boss' boss in his boss' boss's office when Chase had been taken by nurses, Cameron was probably lost and crying and House and Wilson were locked in again most likely.

But what was he supposed to do about it?

Something inside his head screamed GET SOBER, but this something, Foreman rationalized, was not good for him, he'd end up in the psych ward if he listening to this something. Even if this something had a good point. That didn't, Foreman pointed out pointlessly, give this something the right to scream. Because his head hurt, goddamnit.

The world spun again and the wine, thick dark red and pretty, spilled from the glass as he leaned sideways and tipped his chair over.

"Damn! That's going to stain the carpet, Foreman!" That voice again, yelling now, evil again...spinning world again...bowling ball shard in a blender and leprechauns dancing on it...

-------------

The nurses giggled and shifted the mirror so Chase could see.

He promptly fainted.

More giggles.

--------------

"Ow. My leg." House grumbled, standing up for the first time in a few hours. He leaned heavily on his cane and grunted out some obscene words.

Wilson, on the other hand, or should I say leg, had no problems getting up, and remarked, "Duh," to House's leg issue.

"Let's go find our Power Rangers, then." House declared, rubbing his thigh and looking at the door dejectedly.

"The base will be left all alone, won't it?" Wilson inquired, glancing about.

"No, that's what the boxes are for." House explained.

"Of...course." Wilson nodded.

Walkie talkies were grabbed and stowed away in pockets. House wished he'd given one to Cameron and Foreman earlier but it hadn't crossed his mind,so he took extra walkie talkies should he find them which turned out to be easy.

Because he found Cameron moping in a 4th floor waiting room.

"Yellow Ranger!" He hissed at her.

Cameron looked up sadly. "Sorry. I couldn't get Chase. I just..." Then she started crying.

"For God's sake..." House muttered, rolling his eyes.

Wilson sighed and sat down beside Cameron. "It's alright, Allison." he comforted her, trying to sound optimistic, "We'll get Chase and you'll be a great help, I know, because you are a great person..and..." and on Wilson went, complimenting her and being enthusiastic while House stood around and checked his watch. Wilson was a good person to help out with this kind of thing, when Cameron needed cheered up. Wilson was nice and polite and gentle. House was not.

Finally not crying, Cameron stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yellow Ranger reporting, sir, what now?"

"First off, wasn't Foreman supposed to be with you?"

"I thought he was with you."

"No, he was supposed to help you."

"Well he wasn't."

"She's taking us down, one by one..." House said gravely.

"And where's the Pink Ranger?"

"I told you, the nurses got him. Remember?" Cameron reminded him.

"Then let's save our Pink Ranger, first."

-----------

Cuddy had changed her tactics. _Nice_ and_ sweet_ and _sexy_ were gone. _Mean_ and _evil_ and _shrieking_ had replaced them.

No more wine, now.

A sturdy mug of coffee. Black coffee. Fits, doesn't it?

The world no longer tipped dangerously but the wine stain in the carpet was still glaring and yelling at him.

No, wait, that was _Cuddy_ who was glaring and yelling.

About...wait for it.

House. And everyone else. No, not everyone else, just Cameron and Chase and Wilson. But mostly House.

She was asking where they were, why they were there, what was with the hats,why won't they leave there, why were they doing this to her...all the usual questions.

Foreman didn't have an answer to any of them.

Well, except to that last one.

"'cuz you're evil."

Apparently not a good enough response. She yelled even louder and his head hurt even more. Like the crumbs of a bowling ball were thrown off the What's That Really Tall Building In New York? and hit with rock hard tennis balls and tackled by men who's named ended with 'the Giant'. Like someone named David The Giant or Johnny The Giant and people like that.

------

_Bzzt_... "Yellow, stick close to the wall. Blue, look out on your left." _Bzzt_.

"House, you don't have to use the walkie talkies. We're right beside you." Wilson told House. House frowned at him but then dropped the walkie talkie back into his pocket and sighed. Cameron and Wilson put their walkie talkies back into pockets, also.

"Fun killer." House muttered.

Cameron shifted so she could glance at him oddly, but then continued.

They were sneaking up on the NURSE'S LOUNGE, but doing so very slowly.

Mostly because they had to wait up for the limping House and try to look inconspicuous at the same time. Which was, as they soon found out, was damn near impossible.

----------

"Where is he?" Cuddy demanded, hissing bullets. Foreman didn't care if that wasn't possible, that's _what happened_.

She continued to hiss in a quiet but evil voice, "Tell me. _What. Is. Going. On_."

Foreman thought that if Hitler was a snake and snakes could talk, that's what the Hitler-snake would sound like.

"Tell me." She commanded again.

But Foreman didn't say a thing, because, truth be told, he had no idea what was going on either.

It was the wine, he reflected. And the beer.

The door was across the room, not very far away.

Between him and this door was a very angry, very evil, very dangerous Hospital Administrator who at the moment wasn't too fond of the Black Ranger. Probably not to fond of any Ranger, come to it.

He sighed.

He knew he should have taken the job with what's-his-face.

But no.

Foreman had to take the job with the complete and utter lunatic who had an evil boss.

On the bright side he had good medical insurance and got good vacation days.

Was that enough compensation for working for a nutjob?

...maybe. If he got a bonus.

And, in Foreman's opinion, he damned well deserved one.

-----------

Located in a smaller room that annexed of the main room of the NURSE'S LOUNGE, the nurses fluttered around Chase, smiling and complimenting him.

"Oh Doctor Chase, you look so pretty."

"You could fool anyone with that disguise."

"_I'm_ almost fooled myself!"

"We should try him out."

"What? You mean like see if anyone actually is fooled?"

"Yeah! It would be totally awesome."

Brenda crushed their hopes. "No. Don't be stupid. Of course someone would notice. You'd get caught. They are looking for him, anyway. That simpering little one was here earlier, stuttering and fumbling over her words. Obviously, she had been told to do that. I know who told her. It was that House." She ended her rant with a growl.

Of course none of the others listened; they only heard the first part and the last part.

"Oh, Doctor House!"

"Have you seen his eyes? _Strikingly blue_..."

"..that look _straight into your soul_..."

"..and _steal _your heart away instantly..."

"..so _dreamy_..."

They all sighed schoolgirlishly.

"But he's _so mean_."

"I know, right?"

"It sucks we can't show Chase-y Wase-y off."

"Yeah."

"That's a stupid name for him."

"No, it's not!"

"It is too. He needs a girly name."

"You mean she needs a girly name."

"Exactly, I know!"

"How about...Jenny?"

"Ohmygosh, that's perfect!"

They all giggled and swooned and laughed.

Brenda leered disdainfully at them, and then went to make a phone call.

-----------

_Riiing. _

_Riiing. _

Foreman told himself he knew that sound.

Hamsters.

No, no, wait...phone. It was a phone. Ringing.

To be more precise, it was Cuddy's phone ringing.

It was not a good ring.

It was a 'death to come!' ring and a 'you are certainly doomed!' ring and a 'mwahahahahaha' ring.

Not the best kind of ring. For him, at least.

For Cuddy, it was the best kind of ring of all. A triumphant ring,

------------

Lisa Cuddy picked up the phone, smiling already. Somehow she just knew this was good news for her.

"You have who?...oh, that is just wonderful...yes, keep him there...they did? that's hilarious...oh, gosh...can you try to get any others?...you'll try...okay, that is great...I see a promotion in your future...call me if you have any more news."

She turned to Foreman who looked very tipsy and as if he didn't have a good hold on reality.

"We have Chase. And you. Anytime now, House will be surrendering to save you." She said happily. Happy with evil.

"He doesn't know...that you have me locked up. I doubt...he even knows that your minions have Chase..." Foreman grinned sloppily.

She frowned, but things like this could be remedied easily. All she had to do was somehow informed House she had two of his team…okay, maybe it wasn't so easy. Damn.

-----------

"What now?" Cameron whispered.

Now they were located very close to the NURSE'S LOUNGE. Not many people were around, but still they stuck close to the walls and whispered. For the effect.

House shrugged, paused, and then said quietly, "Wilson. Go save Chase. But pretend you're asking them for lunch or something. Gain their trust then attack. "

"Why me?"

"Because, Wilson, they like you. They don't like Cameron. And I'm the Red Ranger."

"That doesn't give you _any_ reason to--"

"**Yes** it does. Now go." House shoved Wilson forward. Wilson stumbled and stuck his tongue out at them before reluctantly walking over to the NURSE'S LOUNGE and opening the door.

"Hmm. It occurs to me why we are even bothering with Chase." House muttered.

Cameron blinked. "Because he is a Power Ranger, and even though he locked you up, he is still a Power Ranger and Rangers don't leave other Rangers behind." She stated proudly.

Staring, House replied with, "**Fine**."

They paused to watch Wilson flirt his way into the NURSE'S LOUNGE. House noted that it was very pathetic that he could hear the nurses's giggles from their spot. Also pathetic was how easily Wilson was welcomed by some of the younger nurses.

Cameron was being pessimistic and wondered if Wilson would get kidnapped like Chase or go missing like Foreman. Where was Foreman, anyway?

----

Foreman was currently being tortured.

Actually, he was sitting in a very comfy arm chair while Cuddy glared daggers, bullets, hand grenades, machine guns, nuclear bombs, knifes, and poisonous vipers at him.

Not the best way he'd like to spend his evening.

------

Chase was in the same kind of mood. In his opinion there were much better ways to spend an evening then getting kidnapped and dressed up by nurses. Like, say, spending the night in a concentration camp or on a plane that was about to crash over the Atlantic Ocean or going to a Celine Dion concert.

-----------

"Cameron, go look for Foreman." House said lightly, after seeing Wilson safelyenter the NURSE'S LOUNGE.

Cameron nodded and obeyed, skulking off.

Now House was alone.

Wait. That could not be good. Left alone, he would be attacked or kidnapped, but then, hadn't he just split up his whole team? Whoops. On reflection that wasn't such a good idea. Nor was this. Oh dear. He could swear that people were crowding around him, about to attack or surround and kidnap. Now he was getting paranoid. Not a good sign.

He turned and headed back to the Base. A rather good idea, in his opinion..

Why hadn't he thought of that earlier?

---------

AN: Like, yay.

The reason I hadn't updated in a while was my computer broke down. GASP. Horrible, I know.

And I have scoliosis. I use that excuse for everything.

Reviews are fuel for my writing. Suggestions are lovely.

I love cake.

REVIEW!

Before I eat one of you. Grr.


	7. Chapter 6 No, wait, it's 7

Disclaimer: I don't think I need one of these anymore. Although, I do now own a pineapple. Go _me._

Author's Note: Summer for me has no time, so it might have been yesterday that I updated and it might've been a week ago. I measure by TV shows. For instance, 'House on tonight' means Tuesday.

----------

It amazing how welcoming the nurses were.

"Oh, _Doctor Wilson_! Come on it, it's lovely to see you."

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Or maybe some fat free sugar free cookies?"

What was a cookie without fat and sugar, the Blue Ranger wondered, and why would anyone _willingly_ eat it?

But he smiled politely as they ushered him in and gave him a chair to sit. He sat down and stared at a fat free sugar free cookie. He was very suspicious. Maybe it was plastic. Did plastic have carbs? He thought so, but if it did, then these girls wouldn't be eating them. Apparently they were on diets.

The NURSE'S LOUNGE was just like a DOCTOR'S LOUNGE except smaller. And no TV. And only one window. There was a table in the center of the room that was surrounded by those very uncomfortable waiting room chairs. If Wilson remembered correctly, in a DOCTOR'S LOUNGE there were not uncomfortable waiting room chairs. Plastered all over bulletin boards in the NURSE'S LOUNGE were all sorts of annoying stuff like pictures of cats and puppies and very many pictures of Johnny Depp; pink, flowery stuff bordered EVERYTHING. Wilson could swear he felt his testosterone level dropping already. There was a small hallway that led to a few doorways. Three doors. One of those had to be where they were keeping Chase.

To him all the nurses looked a like except that really evil one. Brenda. Wilson knew she had at least a few brain cells because of the way she foiled House's plans many times. He suspected she was in cahoots with Cuddy, Cuddy's right hand nurse.

Brenda glared at him.

Yes, he thought, she is obviously in cahoots with Cuddy because Cuddy must've taught Brenda to glare like that.

It was a glare that could send lesser men in seizures.

Wilson, however, was made of stronger stuff.

After all, he hung out with House on a daily basis.

---------------

The Red Ranger made a deal with the boxes. Help me out, he pleaded, and you will never be lonely again.

They nodded.

He popped another Vicodin.

Talking to boxes.

Being locked in a storage room.

Chase kidnapped by nurses.

This was a weird day.

----------------

The Yellow Ranger walked calmly down the heavily packed corridor, wondering why it was so heavily packed at this time of night. She had learned from watching many, many movies (okay, a _few_) that sometimes to hide you must hide in plain sight.

Or maybe she learned that from House.

He did spout things off like that a lot of the times, didn't he?

Or maybe it was Foreman.

Oh, right, Foreman.

Gotta find Foreman.

-----------------

The Black Ranger had finally found a grasp on reality.

Admittedly it was like he was grasping to the edge of cliff in the Grand Canyon and someone had covered his hands in Vaseline, but it was a grip.

The sun was setting.

Foreman had realized this by looking out the window.

Cuddy was doing some paperwork.

Foreman thought that it would be pretty easy for him to just get up and walk over to the door and leave.

Cuddy laughed. "No, you couldn't."

Oh wait. He must have said that aloud. What else did he say aloud?

"Something about the Grand Canyon." Cuddy shook her head.

A lot, then.

----------------

Chase hated cross-dressing.

Even if he was good at it.

He looked like a girl.

So embarrassing.

And they weren't going to let him go until they got another toy.

Or unless_ someone saved him_.

Chase laughed. That was funny. Nobody knew where he was, not to mention even if he did they wouldn't anyway. He locked House and Wilson in an empty storage room, for God's sake. Of course, House did have a cell phone and was quite capable of calling someone for help which he probably already did. This made Chase's situation no more better.

-------------

"So, Doctor Wilson," Brenda said. The cautious, safe, and smart little person insideWilson's head told him this was not going to be good.

"Have you seen Doctor House today?" She continued, glaring at him suspiciously.

Wilson could lie. It depended on who he lied to. Lying to someone like House was impossible for him. Or Cuddy. But he could lie to people he didn't know. He was very fluent at lying to certain people. "Haven't seen him all day. Why do you ask?" He replied in a friendly tone, sipping the coffee. Decaf. Uhm, **ew. **

"It seems he has not been present at work today." She hissed.

Wilson smiled. "Well, that's not very new, is it?"

The other nurses giggled. Did they have names, Wilson wondered vaguely as Brenda asked him with a raised eyebrow, "Oh? You haven't either, Doctor Wilson."

He hadn't thought of that. But he didn't let the blankness show on his face, just shrugged and said, "I went looking for him. He signed in. Couldn't find him. As I said, this isn't a newsflash for any of us, I think; he's always doing irresponsible things like this."

The mean, sarcastic, and completely insane part of him pointed out, 'yeah, and you help him out.'

Brenda smiled thinly. "Well, you're always following him around..."

"Really? I would say he's always following me around. Thinks it'll get him Brownie points with Cuddy, hanging out with a responsible doctor." Wilson kept his tone even and ever so slightly joking.

'You're skipping work to play Power Rangers with your fellow doctors. Not as responsible as you think.' the anti-good voice inside of him said.

Brenda just kept on looking at him with that look that said 'I don't believe you'. Or maybe it was the look that said, 'We're going to kill you'. Those looks did get mixed up often, he supposed.

An awkward silence followed.

The unnamed nurses broke this by asking him how his day was.

He replied with a 'fine, I was looking for House all day. You know him, probably won the Olympic gold medal for Hide and Seek.'

The sarcastic voice in his head protested lightly, 'and _you_ won the gold for lying.'

Wilson realized that he had a miniature subconscious House inside his head.

------------

Chase heard a familiar voice.

Wilson.

Wilson was the main room of the nurse's lounge.

Chase was in one the anterooms.

He hoped Wilson had come to save him.

Actually, it _was_ just Wilson, he thought sadly, so he probably won't be saving me. A knight in shining armor Wilson was not.

Er, not like Chase _wanted_ a knight in shining armor.

Oh woe is Chase.

------------

House realized with sense of undeniable dread that he missed his soap opera.

HOW ON_ EARTH_ WAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN SONNY AND CARLY **NOW**!?!?!?

------------

"You know who else I haven't seen today?" Wilson mentioned, faking offhandedness, "Doctor Chase. Know him? Blonde, tall...err, blonde."

The younger nurses visibly tensed up while Brenda kept her coolness.

"No, haven't seen him today. Odd, isn't that? Both of them not being seen, and come to it I haven't seen Doctors Cameron and Foreman either..." Brenda shrugged, also pretending offhandedness.

Wilson realized that he had a rival in the war of fake offhandedness. "It is odd." He murmured, feigning curiosity. There. See her feign curiosity as well as he did. Ha.

"Indeed." Brenda frowned and leered at him.

He was understandably very disturbed, being leered at like that by a nurse.

"Doctor Chase has really nice hair." A blushing nurse smiled and giggled. The others agreed, also blushing.

He felt like saying, yeah, I have better hair, and plus I don't dye it.

Because he didn't.

And Chase did.

But instead he just shook his head. He wondered how he was going to save Chase. Of course, it was just Chase and they didn't really need him, did they? Wait, yes they did. He made wonderful bait.

So, how to save the Aussie?

Well the obvious, smart way would be to somehow get the nurses out and then sneak Chase out.

And that was not going to happen unless he had a distraction outside. A distraction the nurses cared about. Now, unless they were giving away fat free sugar free cookies or giving away hair products out there, they _would not_ leave. Apparently they did not have jobs or patients did not need help or anything to do remotely useful like that.

His very own subconscious House told him, very sensibly, 'Plan B would be to throw your decaf coffee on the nurses, rush into the room Chase is hiding on, attack any nurses there and run out dragging Chase screaming. He'll be screaming, too, of course, the little pussy. And at least there will be some use for that decaf coffee.'

This was a very good plan.

Insane. Insane. INSANE. The safe part of him yelled.

NO. SENSIBLE AND VERY SMART. His House part of himself shrieked.

Wilson decided that he should not be having these tiny wars in his head and went for the easiest choice, which happened to be the most INSANE one.

He wouldn't admit it to anyone but it was the most fun, too.

------------

Cameron suddenly ended up in an empty hallway. She had no idea how. Or why. Or what floor, exactly, she was on.

How did this work out?

Well. Cameron was rational, she could figure this out. She turned to a sign nearby, expecting something helpful to be displayed.

'STORAGE ROOM.'

Cameron pouted. That's not any help at all.

She looked for another sign.

'STORAGE ROOM.'

Again? How many storage rooms did one floor need?

As she soon found out, at least ten. Now, this was too weird.

Cameron, being Cameron, suspected nothing like a trick or a trap.

Not a good plan.

Most of the other Power Rangers didn't have what a normal person would call 'good plans' either, so that was that and they were all doomed.

------------

AN: Well, that was really short, I know I know I know.

But on Tuesday me and my family were watching House and it was a rerun so I was like, "God, they always think it's lupus or TB or..or.." and my mom said, "Wilson's. Or Wagner's. Or Hodgekin's." And my dad, always looking for something to do, said, "Gosh, AJ, you should write a House drinking game." (By the way, I'm AJ.) Or maybe it was my brother who said that. I don't know. We're all very weird. So I fetched a notebook and a pen and we watched House and thought up a drinking game.

I'm gonna post some of the House drinking game rules, now, because this chapter does not have enough words. Let's bump it up.

"Drink once whenever... House uses his cane for anything besides walking.

Drink twice whenever someone besides House writes on the white board.

Drink twice whenever House wears a white coat.

Drink once whenever House takes a Vicodin for any reason.

Drink twice whenever we see Wilson doing his _own_ job.

Drink once whenever Cameron gets a shocked, self-righteous on her face at House doing something unethical, irresponsible, or illegal, even if he's done the same damn thing a million times before.

Or just whenever Cameron looks utterly shocked.

Drink once whenever House's clinic patient is an idiot.

Drink once when someone hits/attacks House.

Drink once whenever House plays with the tennis ball, a yoyo, or asks his Magic 8 Ball.

Drink once with any encounter with Coma Guy.

Drink once when Wilson is interrupted in the job by House.

Drink twice when House wears a tie.

Drink once when House makes some sort of sexual remark to/about Cuddy.

Drink twice when Wilson doesn't wear a tie.

Drink twice when anyone BESIDES House lies.

Drink once when Cuddy gets pissed at House.

Drink once whenever House avoids clinic duty.

Drink twice when anyone besides House makes fun of Chase.

Drink twice when anyone besides House gets sued.

Rob a liquor store when: House is clean-shaven.

And, of course, drink whenever House drinks."

Now, I advise you to not drink actual alcohol, because, as my brother told us when we explained this to him, there _is_ such a thing as alcohol poisoning.

Oh, right. Review, my darlings.

I'm getting Spider-Man shoelaces. For my, er, shoes. Duh. By the way, read my Spider-Man story. Uhm.

I have a pineapple. Yum.


	8. Chapter 8

The Yellow Ranger was lost. It had to be the answer. Except, she had known where she was a few minutes ago and now---never-ending storage rooms, one after another in rows and rows of doors and white walls. Weird.

It was like the Twilight Zone.

Minus Rod Serling.

-------------

**Bored**. Bored. So bored.

The Red Ranger had broken out the gummi bears and Jell-O, mixing the two together. It tasted...pretty good, actually. But there were funner things to do. He took out the mashed potatoes and played with them. After constructing a mashed potato castle, he placed gummi bear guards around it and then a Jell-O mote.

Wow.

Why didn't he ever consider a career in sculpting? Obviously, this was his destiny. _Medicine_. Pshaw.

------------

The Blue Ranger reviewed his plan:

1. Throw coffee and cookie on nurses.

2...he hadn't planned that far yet.

'Even the best laid plans go awry,' he had heard somewhere (House?) so he figured, quite logically, by not having a plan laid at all he could avoid the non-existent plan going awry.

No one could ever accuse Wilson of being irrational.

Well, they could, but he'd deny it fully.

-------------

The Black Ranger wished someone would save him.

He was tired.

Tired of Cuddy glaring at him.

He could swear Cuddy was sapping his Power Ranger POWER with every minute she glowered at him...wait...he wasn't an actual Power Ranger, right? No, that really loud something in his head told him, you are not.

But he might as well have been. Power Rangers got kidnapped by evil overlords and then tortured to get information but then other Rangers saved them...right?

Right, Foreman thought hopefully. Rangers save other Rangers. It worked like that. Awesome.

---------------

The Pink Ranger also wished someone would save him.

Anyone.

At this point he wouldn't even mind if Wilson saved him.

On second thought, _yes_, he would.

-----------------

The boxes disagreed with House. They insisted that House should go do something like save his Ranger team.

House was too busy because a rebel army of Paperclips was attacking Potato Castle and the Gummi Soldiers were outnumbered 3-1 by the Rebel Paperclips. Gummi Soldiers had called in the Marble SWAT but the Marbles were getting stuck crossing the Peanut Butter River so they would take awhile. King Construction Paper-Marker of Potato Castle was getting seriously worried, now. He did not want his wife, Queen MascaraDuctTape, to die in such a bloody battle.

Even if they couldn't bleed.

--------------

Cameron spun around again.

Suddenly it hit her. Not literally.

She was stuck in a trap.

Some sort of mind trap...or maybe she was dreaming. She opted with the 'trapped' part, and wondered how to get out of it.

She felt around in her pockets...oh! Duct tape, some marbles, and squirt guns. The stuff House'd given her earlier. Hmm...Cameron was getting an idea.

This was either very bad or very good.

She ducked into one of the storage room, to find it was an actual STORAGE ROOM. What luck! Looking for some sort of liquid...funky-looking blue stuff in a dangerous looking bottle. Fun. She filled up the toy squirt guns with the funky-looking blue stuff. Maybe it was poisonous. Maybe it wasn't. All Cameron knew was that it was lovely shade of blue (_like House's eyes_, she noted lovesickeningly) and matched her blouse. Was there anything more she needed to know?

She exited the STORAGE ROOM, and then did a Charlie's Angel pose with a squirt gun before realizing doing a Charlie's Angel pose was worthless without two other Angels. Maybe she could get Chase...oh, forget about it. A James Bond pose, then? No.

She did a Yellow Ranger pose and then dashed off down the hallway, on a mission and humming the Power Ranger theme song. Alas, she did not actually know the Power Ranger themesong, so she settled for the Mission Impossible theme, which sounds awesome when you'er on a mission that seems impossible...woah.

---------------

Wilson put his plan into action.

He jumped up quickly and tossed the coffee in the general direction of the nurses. They shrieked and gasped as their white aprons were stained. The coffee wasn't even hot. It was icky decaf, though. Then he chucked the coffee cup and Brenda and the cookie at another nurse and then ran to the first door, swinging the door open. A bathroom. Curses! Next door. A storage room.

Next door.

------------

Chase heard shrieks. Probably a spider scaring the nurses. Or maybe House showed up.

But then...

The door shot open and Wilson stood there, looking out of breath and his hair messed up.

He was shocked by Chase's girly appearance but rushed forward and grabbed Chase's arm, shoving nearby nurses out of the way.

They then proceeded to get the hell out of there without another problem.

-------------

Oh yeah. Wilson had accomplished his mission.

And Chase looked like a girl.

Like, really a girl.

Creepy.

--------------

Cameron saw a nurse. And then she shot the nurse with the weird blue stuff from the squirt gun. And kept on walking, and walking, and shooting down more nurses until she found a service elevator and went to floor 5. To save Foreman!

-------------

King Construction Paper-Marker's Potato Castle was still under attack, but the Marbles SWATS had gotten through the Peanut Butter River with only a few casualties (we will mourn you, Cat's-eye.) and were now fending off the Paperclip Rebel Army with the help of the gummy soldiers, who were lazy bastards.

Queen MascaraDuctTape found this all very uninteresting. She hated her Potato Castle and her Potato Room and everything about it. She kept falling over; the floor was so slanted. Horrible architecture. Her husband found the most horrible things to build his castles with. Like his last one. 'Oh, great idea, a castle made of fudgecicles, Honey, that'll work. '

------------

Cuddy's office was just around the corner. Foreman was there. Cameron was armed. She took a deep breath.

She needed a plan.

Or not. Not having plans had worked for a lot of people, hadn't they? Uhm. Wait, no. She was getting confused with having a plan. Which she didn't

Argh.

-------------

Foreman started to hum sadly, wondering why he hadn't tried to escape yet. Then he remembered. Couldn't stand up.

_Riiing._

There it was again. _The hamsters_.

Er, no.

Return of the cries of death.

_Riing._

Queen Bansheera leaned forward in her desk and picked up the phone. Immediately, her face turned from 'oh joys of joys I have two people captured' to 'holy shit, now I only have one person captured.' Demanding whose fault it was and who the hell let this happened, her tone became increasingly scarier and her voice increasingly louder.

"**WILSON BROKE HIM OUT**! WHAT THE _HELL_? HOW---WHY---THAT _BASTARD_! I bet House put him up to it! DAMN THAT HOUSE! AND WILSON! CURSE THEM ALL!"

Oh dear.

-----------

Okay, wing it. That's the new plan of action. There was never one in the first place. That was his theory. If he didn't have a plan, it could not go wrong.

Wilson ran down the hallway with Chase following and tripping over skirts and nurses chasing.

They hid in an empty patient's room and waited till they heard nurses run by screaming, but stayed inside, catching their breath.

Wilson was laughing hysterically at Chase and trying to breathe at the same time. It didn't work that well.

"Pink...!" he gasped.

Chase was muttering and turning pink as he searched the room for doctor's scrubs or anything to wear except the skirt. He didn't notice Wilson pull out a cellphone/picturephone and snap photos, still giggling.

The Blue Ranger knew a few people who would pay big money for pictures of Chase dressed up like a girl.

------------

Cameron had also decided to wing it.

She walked forward calmly, and entered Cuddy's office.

Foreman sitting in a chair like he'd been placed there then fell over and then was placed there again. He smiled at Cameron and waved happily. She noted that this was first time Foreman looked happy to see her.

Cuddy sat in her chair behind her desk with the back of the chair facing Cameron and Cuddy facing away. It was creepy. Evil-creepy. Like something from a Bond movie. Or a horror movie. Or a pro-Nazi Hitler film.

Queen Bansheera slowly turned around in her chair so she was facing them.

Foreman half expected her to be stroking a cat, for some reason.

Instead she was smiling maniacally.

Cameorn gulped.

"You have walked right into my trap, Dr Cameron." Cuddy hissed. Cameron resisted the urge to step backward and hightail it out of there. "You'll never get out of here until House surrenders." She stood up. "Tell me. What the hell. Is going. ON."

Sometimes, in her life, Allison Cameron had her good moments. When she was twelve she beat up a bully who called her little sister fat. At fourteen she got expelled from school because she started a rally in her junior high against the fact girls weren't allowed to play football0--even though she despised the sport. At sixteen she beat up another bully. At 20 she got a DUI. Recently, she got high and had sex with co-worker.

And now, she pulled out her squirt gun full of suspicious liquid, did her Yellow Ranger-armed-with-a-squirt-gun pose, and shot it at Cuddy, who shrieked and recoiled.

Admittedly this didn't measure up with her other 'bad ass' moments, but it was still cool.

After squirting Cuddy again, she motioned to Foreman to 'come on.' He tried, and then tipped over. Cameron, sighing, helped up along and then blocked the door from the outside on their way out with a chair.

Foreman chuckled. "That," he told her, "was _awesome_. House won't believe it."

----------

Chase finally found something to wear besides a skirt and a blouse. Doctor's scrubs. The horrible shade of blue that he'd take any day over a skirt and blouse. He quickly changed, washed the make up off his face, and stared at his pink-painted nails sadly.

"My hair," Wilson began matter-of-factly, "is _so_ better then yours."

Chase blinked at him, clearly wondering where this topic came from. "No." He stated slowly. "It's not."

"Yes, it is." Wilson replied, and then stood up. "Come on. Let's go back to the base."

"No, I quit. I'm not going to 'play' any longer." Chase said loudly.

Wilson laughed.

Chase looked angry and demanded, "What?"

"It's like the mafia. You just can't get out that easily." Wilson, still laughing, exited the room and left a bewildered Chase behind. The aforementioned bewildered Chase quickly followed suit, though.

------

Cameron and Foreman made it back to the base without needing to shoot anyone with a squirt gun. They didn't need to but that didn't stop them from doing it. Nurses, patients, doctors—**all** targets.

----------

King Construction Paper-Marker's Gummy Soldiers had just defeated the Paperclip army and now were rejoicing. His wife hadn't come down to join in the festivities. That was because Princess MascaraDuctTape was a self-centered bitch and was cheating on him with the captain of the Marbles SWAT team.

He thought about going to look for her when suddenly---

---------

Cameron shoved open the door to the base and pushed Foreman in, then followed him.

For some reason, Foreman slipped on something and fell over and House yelled, "No! King Construction Paper-Marker and Queen MascaraDuctTape! NOO!"

Cameron looked down to the floor. There was what seemed to formerly a blop of mashed potatoes, pile of marbles and paperclips and gummi bears, streaks of peanut butter and Jell-O, and a marker with a construction paper head and arms and legs and a mascara bottle with duct tape arms and legs and a head.

She raised an eyebrow at House, who constructed all of this.

Foreman had stepped on it and fallen over. He was quite content with staying there on the ground, though.

"I was…bored." House explained, shrugging. As if this was a good enough reason for complete madness and insanity.

Cameron nodded, not assured, and then took a seat on the floor, away from the wreckage of the former castle.

"Ah well. What the King didn't know was that there was a second army of paperclips and they would have gotten them anyway."

Cameron and Foreman stared, but just then, Wilson and Chase entered.

The boxes were happy at the return of Wilson.

Wilson glanced at the pile of potatoes and random items on the ground but didn't say anything; instead he waved his hands at Chase. "Ta da! Look. I saved your delinquent Ranger. He was dressed up like a girl. Don't worry, House, I got pictures."

Cameron sat up, saying, "Well, look,_ I_ saved the drunken Ranger. From _Cudd_y. Go me."

Wilson glared at her.

"I don't care. We have the team together. That's all that matters." House said.

They all stared, blinking, then burst out laughing.

"Oh, right. You all suck and are idiots." House smiled.

"My hair's is still better then Chase's, though." Wilson mumbled.

House glared, continuing, "Whatever. So, where's that elephant? We need it."

-----

AN: Hmm. Who's hair IS better? Wilson's or Chase's?

Thanks for all the reviews, guys and dolls, they're great.

What? I'm on Chapter 8? Wowza. Ajdfhksdjfh.

I have such clever reviewers. My favorite reviewer quote of the day: "bytheway...wilson has testosterone?" Hahah. Laughing hysterically.

Is that how you spell hysterically?

Wow.

REVIEW. AND...haha. I have a green scarf. Awesome.

I was going to say something. But I forgot.


	9. Chapter 9

Cameron's gaze was fixed on House. Come to that, everyone else's was, too. Except for House's. That would be a bit impossible, him staring at himself. So, everyone but House was staring at House. Yes, there it is.

The question a sane person might ask would be, of course, why they were staring at him. The obvious reasons were: he had been playing with Jell-O and mashed potatoes, he made up a game where they were Power Rangers, he was convinced the whole hospital was after him (and rightly so) and he talked to boxes. But those were not why they were staring at him. They stared because they wanted to know what to do next.

On the other hand, a not-very-sane person might ask, like, what happened to King Construction Paper-Marker. The answer to that was HE'S DEAD; FOREMAN KILLED HIM WHEN HE FELL ON THE CASTLE. SO THERE. Oh, and he _wasn't real in the first place_.

"_You_'re the Red Ranger." Cameron pointed out, as if no one could see the red hat House was wearing. They could. Duh. They're not BLIND, Cameron. Actually, they were in a dark storage room, but they had set up flashlights all around the room (someone had suggested 'light bulbs' and had been completely ignored. Chase, probably.) so that fixed that problem.

Boxes lurked around the edges of the circle of the Rangers, listening closely and sometimes interjecting a helpful comment or tip here or there. But ha. Boxes _don't have mouths_.

"So?" House replied and poked a blob of Jell-O.

"So the Red Ranger always has the plans. And stuff. You know." Wilson told him, also seeming very interested in the Jell-O. It was red and...what's the word..._jiggly_.

"Oh." House shrugged and glanced at the boxes for help. _We _don't know, they said apologetically. And even if they did, again, boxes do not have mouths.

"'Oh'? You get us into this huge amount of trouble--skipping work-- getting kidnapped-- attacking nurses-- and Cuddy---and all you have to say is 'Oh'?" Chase yelled.

House gave him an even stare and said, quite reasonably, "Yes. 'Oh'. 'Oh' as in, 'Oh, whatever. We'll figure it out later.'"

Chase, still very angry, threw his hands into the air and shook his head.

Foreman had recovered and was now rather sober. "Well. I think...that we ought to do something."

House gasped. "Something? _Brilliant_ plan, Black Ranger."

"I_ told _you, I don't wanna be the Black Ranger."

"It fits you **so** much better, though."

"Oh, and why's that, House? Because I'm black?"

"I'm not that racist, Foreman. It's because you have a darker personality, and wear darker colors and..."

"Y_eah_, right."

"I don't think I've ever heard _anyone_ say that without being sarcastic."

Foreman growled incoherently. He wondered why he was still playing this game. And why he didn't quit. There was, he supposed, an amount of fun that he wouldn't admit to. That would be just what House wanted.

There was another one of those silences where no one had anything to say, but otherwise had tons of things to do.

House made a chain with abandoned paper clips, clipping them together. Wilson had lost interest in the Jell-O and instead was organizing the boxes by size. The boxes were slightly annoyed by this but the boxes didn't care much, they just wanted attention. Cameron, fascinated by what House was doing, was doing the same thing with the paperclips. Foreman, in his mind, recited the doctor's Hippocratic Oath he took years ago and pondered over if what they were doing broke it. Chase scraped the pink nail polish off his fingernails, cringing.

This went on for some time.

Foreman decided that it didn't break the oath (unless he'd missed something) and piped up with, "Are we just going to sit here?"

Everyone looked up at the Silence Breaker who addressed the topic none of them had been willing to.

Looking shocked, House replied, "No, I was thinking I would get up in a few minutes to stretch and then throw some more Cheetos at you."

"That's a waste of Cheetos, you know." Wilson told him, giving up on the boxes.

"Cheetos are icky." Chase said offhandedly.

"I like them." Cameron chirped.

Chase, sending her a disgruntled glance, rolled his eyes. "Says the girl who had a crush on House. _Great_ taste, Cameron's got."

Flushing, Cameron protested, "Right, but _I'm_ not a backstabber."

"Ooh, she _went_ there!" House squealed. They stared at him, and he waved his hands, saying, "Continue, continue."

Cameron and Chase both rolled their eyes and then shared look that said, 'our boss is an annoying lunatic.'

House appeared disappointed when they didn't continue and sighed.

Wilson played with the roll of duct tape, taping things like paper to House, who quickly pulled them off and placed them on Wilson. He took them off and kept on taping things to House who re-taped them to Wilson. Cameron put down her paperclips and watched this cycle, rather interested why one of them didn't just stop because the other would obviously do so. Huh. Must be one of those boy things. Speaking of boy things, Foreman began making comments about Chase's nail polish and how it fit his color and personality.

"It's the same color as your hat. Lovely."

Chase just ignored him, making Foreman angrier.

"God, Chase, you'd make a great nurse."

"I think I saw Dr. Cuddy wearing that same nail polish color."

"Got a matching lipstick?"

"What color is it, Chase? Ballerina Pink? Cotton Candy Pink? Prostitute Pink?"

"Fooooooorrrreeemmaaaaan." House whined loudly, taping a piece of paper to Wilson who took if off and stuck his tongue out at House.

"What, House?" Foreman asked reluctantly.

"_Soylent Green is pe_o_ple_!" House said dramatically.

Everyone stared again. Not House. This topic has been discussed. Anyway. Not everyone, you understand, Wilson didn't this time in addition to House and you know that.

Wilson translated, "He wants you to shut up."

"Oh." The ducklings all said.

Wilson stuck a piece of red paper to House and he pulled it off, taping it to Wilson, who retrieved another piece of paper and this started all over again. Wilson, while doing this, seemed to be explaining something to House, who listened half-heartedly.

"Why are they doing that?" Cameron whispered to Chase, who shrugged.

"Good question."

Foreman found the bag of Cheetos and tried one. "Ew, Chase, these _are_ icky. Even though I hate to agree with you. Horrible." With that he thrust the bag at Cameron, who pounced upon them hungrily, having not eaten much all day.

"I like Cheetos. You guys are just too ignorant to behold the deliciousness that is Cheetos."

Chase nodded, not assured. "Right, Cameron."

Foreman examined the bag. "'Dangerously Cheesy'. That's creepy. They're so cheesy they're dangerous? If I were you I'd be worried about my health."

Chase grinned. "Their mascot is a cheetah. What do cheetahs know about cheese? Do cheetahs eat cheese? And, as Foreman said, they're dangerous. Dangerous with _what_, I wonder? Arsenic? Cyanide? Pesticides? Maybe they're infected. Gosh, Cameron, we wouldn't want you to get sick from a snack endorsed by cheetahs."

By this time Cameron was doubled over laughing, and Wilson was smiling, amused. House had not been listening, so he remarked, "Cameron, we all know Wilson's hair is funny, but you don't have to be so _obvious_ about it." This caused Cameron, Chase, and Foreman to laugh, and Wilson to glare at him.

"House..." Wilson began, "there's this marvelous invention, it's been around for quite some time but I have to wonder if you've heard of it...it's called a comb, House." He smiled at House's face and at the fact the ducklings collapsed laughing at their boss.

------------

Queen Bansheera dug her fingernails into her desk, inhaling and exhaling. Inhale, exhale, she tried to tell herself calmly, inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale...inhale, exhale...inhale, exhale...**GOING TO KILL HOUSE**.

Without even bothering to muffle it, she let out a long, high-pitched scream.

----------

The nurses sighed.  
"I miss Dr. Chase."

"You mean Jenny."

"Oh, right, Jenny."

"...now I'm bored."

"We could go track him down."

"We're no good at that."  
…

"...let's go Google pictures of Orlando Bloom."

"OhMyGawd, great idea!"

They all squealed and gathered around a computer.

-----------

Everyone had calmed down from laughing. Cameron was not dissuaded from eating Cheetos and had taken to tossing them at Chase or Foreman when they weren't looking and then laughing hysterically. House looked rather proud.

Wilson ran out of paper nearby and was no longer taping this to House. Foreman, between dodging Cheetos, asked Wilson about those pictures of Chase in a girl's clothes.

Chase felt left out so began a conversation with House about Power Rangers.

"The original, Mighty Morphin, is without a doubt the best." house said.

"Uh huh." Chase nodded.

"Yep. Because that's where Tommy Oliver started out. He was a Green Ranger, an evil one, but then he turned good and then he got to be a White Ranger and the leader of the group--I'm sure Jason, the Red Ranger then, wasn't that happy about that but then Jason was dating Kimberly, the Pink Ranger, too-- and then when Jason, Trini the Yellow Ranger, and Zach the Black Ranger left for 'Switzerland'--and when they say Switzerland, it means the actors just punked out on the show, although they'd later come to regret it, I bet---they got Rocky the Red Ranger, Adam the Black Ranger and Aisha the Yellow Ranger. Incidentally, Tommy and Kimberly start going out but then Kimberly leaves and they get this Australian girl for the pink Ranger, and then the show starts to suck." House let out a deep breath. "That's just a brief history." He explained.

Chase doubted the word 'brief'.

"Tommy Oliver also went on to be a Red Ranger in the next series and, in a later series, the Black Ranger. He's the greatest Ranger _ever _**ever ever**." House finished in a childish tone.

"He's your inspiration, then?" Chase asked, for lack of thing to do.

"Totally." House replied in the same voice.

Wilson refused to show Foreman to pictures without a fee first and Cameron became depressed when she ran out of Cheetos.

"Guys, it's boring again." She complained.

"Five dollars, Wilson. I'm _not_ paying ten." Foreman protested, slamming his fist on the floor.

Wilson smirked, telling him, "But you know it's worth it."

Foreman did not want to admit that.

"Let's, like, go fight evil alien monsters." Cameron suggested.

"The closest thing we've got is Cuddy." Chase said, and then added thoughtfully, "And she's pretty close, now that you mention it."

Cameron frowned and looked at House. "Did you have a plan of some sort, House?"

"I decided we'd be better off with no plan." House told them casually, pulling a piece of duct tape off his arm, Wilson giggling.

"What? No plan? How's _that_ supposed to help us?" Chase freaked out, his voice reaching a higher pitch as usual when he freaked out, and Foreman felt obligated to point this out but House started to say something.

"Well, Wilson explained something to me. It's really smart. Have you heard that saying, 'the best laid plans go awry'? See, if we don't have a plan at all, then it can't go all wrong and no one will end up in Cuddy's clutches last time, although hilarious it was."

Wilson nodded happily.

"That sounds so stupid." Foreman said, in his 'I don't think so' voice he was so fond of using.

"Sounds good to me." Cameron supplied.

"Oh, you're just kissing up." Chase commented to Cameron, annoyed.

She raised an eyebrow, and asked him, "And what do you think?"

"It...could work, I guess."

"There."

"Righto, then, plan of action is no plan of action. Actually, that contradicts itself because my saying our plan is no plan, we're saying we have a plan and we don't want a plan, okay. So, by saying 'we don't have a plan' that is our plan, and...oh, gosh, I'm so confused. Where's my Vicodin?" House rummaged around for his bottle of pills. Little did he know that, while most of the boxes had agreed to be under his command, one had strayed away and had formed a pact with...Queen Bansheera! and hidden his pills.

Not very well, though. Just behind a box. House found them quickly while Chase, Cameron, and Foreman shook his heads at him and Wilson helplessly wondered if this was going to ruin his reputation as Jimmy the Boy Wonder Oncologist. Of _course_ it was going to, he told himself, you're being a Power Ranger for a day with House the Snarky Anti-Social But Genius Diagnostician.

--------

AN: Hey, I made a cake yesterday. YAY CAKE.

Nobody does much in this chapter. Tell me, is it still funny?

Oh, oh, oh. I was watching a late night House re-run on USA and my older brother came upstairs and I made him stay and watch it with me and my little brother. Anyway, my older brother doesn't watch House much (SHAME) but when it's on he'll stay and watch it with us sometimes, so he had a vague idea of what's going on. He pointed to Cameron and said, "Who's that?" so I told him, "Cameron. She's annoying and wimpy. She's a doctor." And he goes, "**Ohhh.** I thought she was a_ nurse_." which I couldn't stop laughing at for the rest of the episode.

Right. REVIEW REVIEW. I really do appreciate the reviews I've been getting, but really, it's like a lust for blood, once I get some I NEED MORE MORE MORE MORE...sorry. Ahem. Anyway. Did I tell you to review? Not like I need more, mind, because I have HUNDRED SOMETHING. IN YOUR FACE.

And I forgot was I was going to say, but do you know what? I watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert every night. And I have a 45 degree curve in my back. GO SCOLIOSIS. My shoulders are uneven. I AM AN OUTCAST.


	10. I Can't Believe It's Not Chapter 11 Yet

Author's Note: I'm wearing my Power Ranger hat. It has a picture of the Red Ranger on it. IT'S MORPHIN TIME...er, not actually.

------

Experimentally, Wilson poked the glob of Jell-O that earlier had demanded his attention. It was so entertaining...unlike everything else in the room. Cameron, Chase, and Foreman were engaged in a conversation about Cheetos and cheese in general. House, apparently in some sort of shock from doing nothing all day, had pulled out his cellphone and was attempting to call his home number in hope that Steve McQueen would pick up, because, as House told everyone, he was very worried about his rat. Foreman had responded under his breath, "and _we're_ worried about your sanity," but House shushed him and let the phone ring.

Wilson watched the glob of Jell-O jiggle sadly. He was bored. Very bored. He was just lucky his level of boredom did not extend to building castles with mashed potatoes. Small things in life to be thankful of.

"Um." He stated loudly, and as if it was very important. As far as things were going now, it was.

They looked up from the oh-so-crucial things they were doing to stare and blink.

"What?" He asked, also staring and blinking. _Just _in case it was a contest and he hadn't been informed.

"Were you going to say something?" Cameron asked him, seeming genuinely interested, which disturbed Wilson, to say the least, because he hung around House and was not used to genuine interest.

"No. I wasn't." He explained and then watched the Jell-O. He was sure it had moved by itself. Absolutely sure. Or maybe it was a trick of the light..or maybe... WAS HE GOING INSANE? Actually, they had a term for it around here, it was called 'going House'.

"Oh. Then why'd you say that?" Cameron continued.

Sighing, wondering why she kept on talking, Wilson told her, "It's a trigger. The rooms are bugged. Any minute now, the FBI will come rushing into the room."

Cameron frowned, obviously either having difficulty believing this or upset at being made fun of. Chase and Foreman snickered.

House hung up his phone and scrunched up his face. "Weirdest thing." He stated, beginning to stand up, "Steve won't answer." Using the wall and his cane he managed to get up and gain his balance. He gave them a withering stare when they all didn't stand up.

"Well. Gonna just sit around all day? We've got work to do."

So, they all scrambled up, Chase and Foreman brushing Cheetos off their clothing as Cameron collapsed into giggles and Wilson said a mental good bye to the Jell-O.

"Bring walkie talkies." House told them.

"Er, this just a...suggestion...but I suggest we don't split up this time." Wilson said. "It may have worked well for Scooby, Shaggy, and the gang but really, they didn't have a clue what they were going either."

It might as well been Chase who had said it, because everyone completely ignored him and followed House. Wilson resigned himself and followed, too.

And they realized how late it was. Past dinnertime. The hospital sounded empty but patients in their rooms gazed curiously out their windows at the group of 'doctors' wearing baseball caps and carrying walkie talkies.

"Shouldn't we be worrying about Cuddy finding us or something?" Foreman presented this question very dubiously.

"If she does we'll sacrifice one of you..." House turned to look back at the ducklings. "Chase. He can take one for the team."

Indignant, Chase asked, "Why me?" and House answered, scoffing, "Duh, you're the PINK RANGER."

Chase resisted the urge to step on the back of House's shoe so he stumbled. He knew that would aggravate House and prompt the man to something worse like post the pictures of Chase in a skirt all over the hospital. On reflection, House would do that without any prompting, so really, why shouldn't he?

Oh, right. Cripple.

"Where're we going?" Wilson, walking next to House, asked.

"What? I thought _you_ were leading, Wilson!" House gasped and Wilson rolled his eyes. Really, though. Where _were_ they going?

And why were they going there?

More importantly: would they come out alive?

Wilson hoped so. For one thing, he had been planning to bake oatmeal cookies tomorrow. House didn't like oatmeal cookies. Wilson did. It was fun; teasing House with cookies. Of course, then House would steal Wilson's lunch. Boo.

Chase wondered if any of things was going to be included in his paycheck. Foreman thought the same thing and Cameron was left with her squirt guns filled with a suspicious blue liquid. What was it? Oh, well. Who cared? Besides the people who got shot with it. And didn't they deserve it? Grinning, she lifted the toy gun and aimed it at House's back and pretended to pull the trigger. Chase spotted her and smiled, encouraging her and mouthing, 'go ahead, do it'. She shook her head, still grinning. House, without even turning around, said, "Stop conspiring against me. Wilson does that enough."

Chase and Cameron blinked at each other. House was doing that Twilight Zone mind thing again. They had really got to watch out for that.

And apparently they had arrived wherever they were going because House ducked into a room. Wilson, shrugging, also entered through the nondescript door. The rest followed.

It was yet another storage room.

"Why are we--" Chase began, but House shushed him.

"Boxes!" House whispered and they looked around.

"Yes, House. Boxes. Just like in the last room. Why the boxes?" Foreman didn't bother to lower his voice.

"They're the same boxes." House told them.

"Uh, how do you know?" Foreman, ever the doubtful.

"I just do."

Either he was losing it or those were the boxes from the last room. Foreman wouldn't put either of those past House.

As quickly as he had come in the room, House left it and everyone quickly followed, eager to either a) figure out the hell was going on or b) not get left behind or c) all of the above.

It was amazing, at times, how fast House could hobble along when he was excited. And, even more amazing, how difficult it was for everyone else to keep up with him. Then again, House would've protested, he was much cooler than them and COOL got more M.P.H. then UNCOOL did.

---------

And Queen Bansheera knew that ANGRY got way more mileage then COOL did, no matter how cool COOL was.

Finally, she was tired of trusting her minions to track House down. They had failed her, and would be punished accordingly. Now, it was all up to her and pure anger, which gets VERY good M.P.H. She knew this because she's worked with House and the man is very good at hide and go seek. Cuddy was, too. She was best at the seeking part.

---------

_Bzzt._ "Pink Ranger! If I've told you once--" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "This is the first time you've told me, House." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "--I've told you...a few times. Anyway. Stop flirting with the Yellow Ranger. See? I've told you that a few times." _Bzz_t...

_Bzzt_. "House. I reiterate you do NOT have to use the walkie talkie, we're walking right behind you." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "Blue Ranger, you're a fun killer." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "No, it's just more practical to--" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "I don't care. We're using the walkie talkies. Black Ranger?" _Bzzt_..."Black Ranger?"..."BLACK RANGER!"..._Bzzt._

_Bzzt_."WHAT, Red Ranger?" _Bzzt. _

_Bzzt_..."...you're about to walk into a wall.".._bzzt._

**THUMP.**

…

_Bzzt._ "Black Ranger. You just walked into a wall." _Bzzt. _

_Bzzt._ "I KNOW THAT, HOUSE!" _Bzzzt_.

----------

"Uhm, Doctor Cuddy..." her secretary began, hesitantly, and very courageously, "I think...you should calm down."

It was brave, yet much unappreciated. Because Cuddy completely ignored him as if he were Chase and left the office, anyway, leaving her male secretary about to quit and/or start sobbing uncontrollably.

----------

_Bzzt_. "Red Ranger?" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "Sigh. Yes, Yellow Ranger?" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "The Black Ranger just ran into a wall." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "Thank you, Yellow Ranger." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "...was that sarcastic?" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "NO, Yellow Ranger, of course it wasn't." Bzzt.

_Bzzt._ "..._that_ was sarcastic." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "What a genius." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "Cameron, ignore him." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "The Pink Ranger has good advice, Yellow Ranger…Where are we going?" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt._ "Oh, Blue Ranger, trust your Red Ranger. I know where I'm going..." _Bzzt._

..._bzzt._ "Right." _Bzzt._

..._bzzt_. "Uh...where are we?" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "Right where you belong. The psych ward..." _Bzzt_...

_Bzzt._ "What was that, Black Ranger?" _Bzzt._

..._bzzt_. "What was what?" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "What you just said." _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "I didn't say _anything_, Red Ranger." _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "I don't believe you, Black Ranger." _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt._ "Why not?" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "Because...you're the Black Ranger." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_…"Oh, look." _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "What, Blue Ranger?" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "Up ahead...there's an elephant." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "An elephant in a hospital? That's absurd." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "No, your _hair'_s absurd, Pink Ranger!"_ Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "Huh?" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "What?" _Bzzt_...

_Bzzzt_. "Elephant, Chase!" _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "There's _not_ a...oh, there is." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "Told you so." _Bzzt._

_Bzzt._ "ARGH! NOT THAT ELEPHANT!" _Bzzt_...

_Bzzt._ "Why's the Black Ranger freaking out?" _Bzzt._

_Bzzt_. "I don't know." _Bzzt_.

_Bzzt_. "Oh." _Bzzt._

---------

Queen Bansheera had checked House's usual hideouts and was now searching for him in the lesser known ones, like the ObGyn lounge and the Maternity waiting room and she even checked the clinic. Not there.

-------

House slipped his walkie talkie into his pocket, stepped forward, and grabbed the fluffy pink elephant that stood in the center of the hallway. _Very_ forebodingly, might he add. He stared the elephant in its shiny plastic blue eyes and frowned.  
"Foreman...it's just an elephant." He waved the large elephant in Foreman's face and Foreman recoiled, mumbling utter nonsense.

Chase hid his smirk behind his hand.

"Why are you afraid of the elephant? Or, as I have now dubbed her, Linda." House pushed Linda into Cameron's arm. For her part, Cameron looked mildly shocked before attempting to hold the large toy.

"Because it asked me to marry it." Foreman stuttered.

"Well, Eric, I'd like to see how far you plan to get in a relationship if you fear commitment _that_ much. And it's a SHE, not an IT."

"It knew my name!"

"I know your name. Then again, I'm not asking you to marry me, because I don't approve of inter-office relationships. You know that. We've _discussed _this."

"It...she...I..." Foreman shook his head and gave up. "Just…keep that thing away from me."

"Linda resents being called 'it' and a 'thing', and demands you apologize." Cameron said, having fun with this.

Foreman glared at her. Her grin faltered slightly. Chase turned around, failing to disguise his not-very-well-hidden fit of laughter.

"I can't help wondering why you needed the elephant in the first place." Wilson murmured, running a hand through his hair.

"As I mentioned before, it is entirely crucial. Doesn't anyone listen to me?" House asked rhetorically, but in return got a loud chorus of "NO"s from his minions, his best friend, and the sparkly elephant.

----------

AN: And here I was hoping I could end this story here. I am getting a bit tired of writing this...does that make it any less better? Inform me in your REVIEW. Also. Uh. What? Oh, I'm getting SPIDER-MAN SHOELACES and school for me starts on the 29th. B.S., I know, but I get to be in HONORS ENGLISH. Like. Go smart people. Unfortunetly, as you can all see, I am a horrible writer. (sarcasm)

So I've got to end this story by the 29th. Of, yes. August. And today's the...uh, I dunno, actually, my ever-knowing watch broke. I keep wearing the watch, though. Uh.

I kinda like this chapter. Conversations over the walkie talkies (the 'bzzt's are the sound the walkie talkies make when you push that talk button, if you couldn't tell. if you could I applaud you. if you couldn't, stop reading this and go play with walkie talkies.) were fun to write.

REVIEW. Oh, whatever. I love this website.

And Spider-Man. I _love_ Spider-Man.

Me and Erin (aka insertwickedpennamehere. by the way, erin, love that penname. D) are starting a club. A SECRET CLUB. Oh, whoops, not so secret now, is it? The No Life Club. Because we have no lives. If you have no life (and this is figuratively, if you REALLY have no life and are dead, get yourself to a morgue ASAP) then...uh...well, I hadn't thought of that part yet. Aha...


	11. Seriously, It's Chapter 12 NO KIDDING

Author's Note: WHAT'S GOING ON? Oh, dedicated to WeRTheFutureScaredYet because they rock and they dedicated their latest chapter to me. Reason I have not updated yet: you all suck. I kid, I kid. School. French and Algebra. Blah.

-----------

"La la la laaa." House sang loudly.

In a monotone, steady voice Wilson said clearly, "No."

"No what?"

"SINGING. We discussed this. Not to long ago. Actually. Remember?"

"Ah. Let me think. Was it when you started attacking me your right shoe or your left shoe?"

"The left one."

"Of course. How could I forget?"

"You couldn't."

"Well, if we win, I get to sing."

"Win what?"

"THE FINAL SHOWDOWN." House raised a fist in the air and yelled this in a dramatic fashion. It struck Foreman that House would make a wonderful actor in one of those Shakespeare plays that the psych ward put on when House was placed in the psych ward.

"What?" Chase attempted to catch up but bumped into Cameron which made her drop the elephant. Chase, being an altogether good person with lovely hair, stopped to help her and consequently did not pay attention to House's answer. Foreman had no one to help and he _still _didn't listen.

"The final showdown, I said." House responded in a 'duh' voice.

"I think he meant what as in 'what the hell do you mean by that' not 'what did you say again'." Wilson said also in a 'duh' voice. Like a competition. An _incredibly pointless _competition.

Foreman rubbed his head. Stupid wall. Stupid House. Stupid elephant. Stupid Chase. Foreman had really no reason to call Chase stupid, but then he didn't really need one. It was common knowledge among the doctors that Chase was just the ditzy 'pretty boy', and many wondered why House kept the Australian in his employ because, as they all gossiped, House didn't _seem _to swing that way, what with the Cameron issue and all, but you never knew with that man.

Honestly, Foreman himself thought that House wanted to get hairstyle tips from Chase but Chase was keeping the advice hostage until he got tenure here. Yeah, Foreman had a lot of time on his hands to think about these things. Also, was Cameron anorexic? He figured she might be because he couldn't remember her eating anything. This was of course because Foreman avoided Cameron at all costs, like a sane person with average eyesight and hearing would...Was Chase anorexic? Foreman couldn't get how he kept that figure...not like was looking. Or anything. Okay, Foreman told himself, you need a hobby. Besides watching Chase and Foreman and House and Wilson and Cameron. Wilson, too, had nice hair. Foreman wondered if House only hung out with Wilson because of the hair. Foreman only hung out with Chase because of the hair. Ha. Just kidding. He didn't hang out with Chase; he avoided Chase because it was Chase and people ignored Chase and therefore by association Foreman would be ignored. He knew; it had happened. The point was... if he did, it would be because of the hair. Because. Really. Come on. It was _great_ hair. He began to wonder what it felt like...

"Black Ranger..." It was Cameron, looking at him worriedly.

"Yes, Yellow Ranger?" He asked, jolted out his reverie, thank God just in time.

"Well. You should watch where you're going; there might be another wall in front of you." She said, looking genuinely concerned.

Foreman made a note to self: stay. away. from. Cameron. Seriously. The girl was a bit too nice. And annoying.

"I believe I've learned my lesson." He replied dryly.

Cameron smiled and nodded.

Yes. _Far _away.

And suddenly House steered them down another corridor. A small one. Small in width, that is. It seemed very long. Now they were walking in a line. House at front, then Wilson, followed by Chase and Cameron, with Foreman bringing up the rear and being extremely grumpy about it. He could not see anything ahead of him besides Cameron and Chase and some of Wilson. He could not see House. This was not good.

----------

Queen Bansheera imagined she'd need a weapon of some sort. A hurtful weapon. Dangerous and painful.

However, when she glared at a secretary and the secretary broke down in tears she figured her evil eyes would do the trick.

----------

House, as most people knew, was a curious person who got bored easily. He got angry easily and was prone to annoying people just to amuse himself. People knew this. Some more then others. Those others why the some stayed around House. The some would protest that he payed their paychecks while the others would continue to believe that those some were completely and utterly insane. House agreed.

Leading his line of employees and/or friends down the short hallway that apparently had no other use, he stopped suddenly with two thoughts _'they're following me like ducklings'_, and of course, _'I've always wanted to do this'_.

'This' was the aforementioned action of stopping quickly and enjoying the results that followed.

Which were, admittedly, _hilarious_.

Wilson was right behind House so he, in shock, kept on walking and fell into House, toppling both of them over. Chase tripped over Wilson and fell forward. Cameron tried to avoid the steadily growing pile of bodies but failed and tipped over on them.

Foreman was quick about it and stopped before falling. But alas, to no avail, because someone--he suspected it was Chase or House-- grabbed his ankle and pulled him down.

And so that was how they ended up in a heap on the floor.

"We are in a heap on the floor." Wilson stated, his voice muffled because he was being pushed into House's knee because _Cameron was on his elbow._

"mhhghhh, ghhfkk." Chase replied. Chase was in a worse position then Wilson. That was saying something. Foreman had fallen on top of Chase and now Chase was shoved up against the ground with Foreman on top of him.

Cameron put her feet on top of Foreman. "What was that, Chase?" She was on top of the pile, rather comfortably, even if she had her co-workers' limbs and torsos underneath her. She didn't care.

"Uhngg." Chase spat out angrily, and tried to untangle himself from House and Foreman. This earned him a laugh from Cameron and a "_that's my stomach, you idiot" _from House.

Giggling, Cameron used Wilson as armrest.

"This is very uncomfortable." Wilson felt implied to say this, as he was being used _as an armr_est.

"And awkward!" House quipped delightfully and managed to grope around for his to thump Chase with it.

Chase responded with another elbow in House's stomach.

"Ergh. You're fired, Chase." House grunted and thumped him again. "You don't know how long I've wanted to say that. You're fired. You, too, Foreman."

Chase attempted to reply but Foreman beat him to it. "Why me?" Happily he was able to speak freely as there was not a Wilson or a House shoved into him. Well, there was, technically, but not in such a position that he couldn't talk. Oh the simple joys in life.

"Because this is your fault."

"_WHAT_? No, it's not; you're the one who stopped."

"Oh, right. It's my fault..."

"..._WHAT_?"

"How can you have the _same_ reaction to two opposite statements?"

"...never mind."

"You're rehired."

"What about Chase?"

"What ABOUT Chase?"

"Good point."

This was another point at which Wilson felt compelled to interrupt and suggest something. "Uh. How about...we get up."

A pause.

"Hnn sgghhhfss agh ffeederllghday."

"Make some sense, Chase, gosh." Cameron, laughing, stood up, and then held a hand out to Foreman to help him up. He rejected her and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Nyaah."

"I could use some help, Cameron darling." House remarked sardonically and Cameron brilliantly ignored him.

Chase grunted once more and he got up and then started cussing out House, who also in a stroke of brilliance, ignored him and poked Wilson till he got up.

"I hate you." Chase said, his face flushed.

"I love you, too, Chase-y Wase-y." House shot back in a lovey-dovey voice.

Chase opened his mouth to insult and be angry at House more but Wilson interjected with, "Let's go. Cameron, get the elephant."

"LINDA!"

"Okay, get Linda, Cameron, and we'll be off to...uh...where are we going, House?"

"Wherever the road takes us, compatriots!"

"We're...in a hallway. Not a road."

"It was figure of speech, Chaseumms sweetie."

"Don't call me that."

"Chassums my love?"

"...does this mean I can sue House for sexual harassment now? Wilson?"

"Sadly, no."

"Bloody _hell_."

---------

After politely trashing House's office and, as an afterthought, Wilson's office, Cuddy sadly...no, that's not the word. Angrily? Furiously? Madly? Viciously? Violently? Wildly? Cruelly? Relentlessly? Powerfully? Stormily? Savagely? Intensely? Severely? Passionately? Good enough...pursued her search for her archenemies. After that, she really had no idea. Seriously, though, who wanted to know?

**Venomously**! YES! That's it. TRIUMPH!

--------

AN: Hey, I got a bike at a yard sale, and I named it Frances. So I can say in French, 'Francois trey bien'. Or something like that. J' amore Francois. Yeah.

Review, my darlinks.

I. Hate. Algebraaaaa. It is the bane of my existence. What the HELL is a...is...a...a..the..communicative property? The associative property? -breaks down in sobs-

By the way, those were rhetorical questions. Do not answer them.

Uh. Review. Yes. LUFF. Mhmm, the new House episodes are lovely.

And if you like my stories add me to author alert, I'll be putting up a new story sometime soon with a sensational plot. If I do say so myself. And I do. So there.


	12. AND THEN THEY ALL DIED: THE END

Author's note: It's the moment that some of you have been waiting for. And gosh. It took_ long_.

Rated for cussing. A lot of it, damnit.

---------

"It is amazing what you can learn from a door."

"Hmm. _Is_ it."

"It is, indeed, Doctor Watson."

"Brilliantly deduced, Holmes!"

"As always not without your assistance, Doctor."

"Ah, but without your wondrous skills, detective, we would never know what we could learn from door...which is...?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson! It's _so_ simple!"

"Shut up, Holmes, you're a jackass."

"And you're an idiot, '_DOCTOR_' Watson."

Wilson shoved House sideways, very softly, and House, overreacting for the sake of the drama, pretended to fall into the wall, mocking a drawn-out death, "_Moriarty_!" He yelled loudly, "I shall get my revenge!" When Wilson ignored this and kept on walking, House stood up, sighing, and followed, limping sadly.

Cameron, Chase, and Foreman, a few steps behind the oncologist and diagnostician, gave each other the all too common look that clearly implied that House and Wilson were loony birds_. Because they were_.

"What...what are you...doing?" Cameron asked House, catching up to him.

"Uh, walking,** duh**."

"Before that."

"Are you really all that dense?" He turned and faced Chase and Foreman at this statement, too, and then snorted and caught up to Wilson.

"Yes, House, we all really are that dense and did not realize in any sense whatsoever that you and Wilson were pretending to be Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson in a mocking fashion because we all are incredible idiots and know nothing about anything." Foreman rambled off and ignored the looks he received, continuing, "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Actually, yes, Black Ranger." House replied happily.

Foreman slapped his head to his forehead and pinched the bridge of his nose, following his therapist's orders to a T. 'breathe in...breath out...breath...imagine House being murdered slowly and painfully with an sharp, pretty ice pick...breath out...'

Cameron hung behind with Chase and Foreman, while Wilson and House discussed something apparently very important. They couldn't tell, the two older doctors were talking quieter and with an air of suspiciousness about them. Of course, it could be a ploy for attention.

"We need to do some Power Ranger-ing!" Chase exclaimed.

"I don't think that's a verb, Chase." Cameron admonished.

"I JUST MADE IT ONE, CAMERON. GET OVER IT."

She rolled her eyes and then faced Foreman.

"Hello, Foreman."

"fuckoff." He mumbled noncommittally and she frowned, with her head down. Aww. Sad Cameron time.

Chase to the rescue! "Come on, Cameron, cheer up. I think House'll be the first to go down." Chase said, grinning.

She smiled, also, and giggled.

Foreman sneered. "Shutthegoddamnhellup." He muttered at them, repeating his earlier act of breathing carefully and picturing dead coworkers impaled with sharp, shiny objects like knives and ice picks...

----------

She could smell House's fear.

Wait, that was Chase's fear.

And Cameron's.

And then, that was House's arrogance. The overwhelming stench of pure confidence.

Queen Bansheera snarled and shoved open a door, not expecting a team of Power Rangers but she just wanted to shove something. Like a nurse. But the nurses had fled, the cowardly little Chase-esque girls. Seriously, though. Who wouldn't? Hell was going to break loose and the nurses needed to look good while it happened.

------------

"Final showdown! Final showdown!" The Red Ranger began to chant, thinking that the chant would be taken up by the rest of the team.

It wasn't.

"Fine, be funsuckers." He grumbled, and then shouted. "FUNSUCKING BASTARDS!" as obnoxiously as he could, and that's very obnoxious.

"Be quiet, House." The Blue Ranger scolded, being logical.

"Nyaah." House whined, but proceeded to yell, "_FUNSUCKERS_!"

It was the yelling that made Queen Bansheera notice what hallway they were in.

And it was House chanting 'final showdown!' louder and louder that made her find them.

Admittedly, it was Cameron's fault that Cuddy fell down.

Mainly because Cameron threw the elephant at her...ANYWAY. House kept on shouting and Wilson and Chase had reluctantly taken up the chant with him. Cameron, after chucking Linda, ducked behind Foreman, who looked slightly indignant to be used as a human shield yet very special to be noticed.

Chase took the time to notice that foreman was being used as a shield and point this out, laughing, which earned him a shove from Foreman. Cameron squealed and hugged close to the ground. There was stuff flying about their heads.

Nurses flooded from rooms carrying--well, something dangerous and throwable, maybe. Who cares. They were throwing them--with horrible aim-- but one connected with Wilson, so he picked it up and threw it back at the nurses.

Chase ducked down to ground, too, now noticing the erratic flying objects. "damndamndamnbuggerdamn." he cussed.

"Exactly what I was thinking." Foreman said, and ducked down with them.

"Rangers!" House called, from ahead of them. Queen Bansheera and the Red Ranger were at a face off. The Blue Ranger was tossing things at nurses, randomly, shouting things like, 'die!' or 'blue ranger power!' and 'super Battilizer mode!' apparently to no effect, but the nurses were going down anyway, complaining of broken nails, frizzy hair, and fainting spells. But Blue Ranger was getting over his head, as he called, "Pink, Yellow, Black, help me!"

The aforementioned Pink, Yellow, and Black rangers shared a look. 'Aw damn.'

They rushed forward, Cameron stumbling over Chase and Foreman stumbling over Chase stumbling over Cameron stumbling over Chase. Oh dear.

"Damnit, Foreman! Get off my _leg_!"

"Then **get off my stomach**, Cameron!"

"If _Chase_ could get off my hair!"

"Sor_ry_, Cameron. Now get off me!"

It was a pile of ducklings trying to get up. And not managing to.

The Red Ranger and Queen Bansheera merely stared at each other.

The Red Ranger lifted his cane in the air, waving it around and saying, "You wouldn't fight a cripple, would you?" and after a pause where she just glared at him, answered his own question, "Of course you would."

More glowering.

It was getting slightly unnerving.

After another few minutes of this, House decided it was **very** unnerving. But as the Red Ranger, he could not fail his team, although his team was failing him.

The Blue Ranger had managed to take down all the nurses and now he went about poking them and asking them if they were okay, like the kind caring and annoying person he is.

The Pink Ranger was lying on the floor while The Yellow Ranger and the Black Ranger were screaming at each other above him. He figured there was really no point in getting up; Foreman would just shove him back down. Foreman and Cameron were fighting about something; rangers and hats and Texas. Chase sighed and wondered sadly if his hair still looked pretty. On reflection, he frowned, realizing it was probably really bad looking right now. When Foreman stomped his foot down dangerously too close to Chase, he scooted away and to a wall. Safe, safe walls. Aaargh. The Pink Ranger, well, he did not like this final showdown stuff. Mainly because he was not good at it. Many others would protest it was on a long list of things that he wasn't good at, but he would protest at their protestation that HEY, WHO'S GOT THE COOLEST HAIR AGAIN? And then they would fall silent, submitting to his wonderful hair. Also, he was a good doctor...kind of. He'd only had someone die on him, like, once or twice. Three times? Shut up. It was accident. Not his fault. Ignore everything you've heard. He was framed. It was the FBI, they hated him. The government. Because he was Australian. Not British. Why did House hold that belief, that he was British? Chase wasn't. And he knew that. Because he remembers, when he was growing up, kangaroos. KANGAROOS. Sometimes Chase just felt like yelling that at House. _KANGAROOS_, HOUSE. THERE WERE KANGAROOS IN MY BACKYARD. I'M NOT BRITISH. I'M AUSTRALIAN, YOU BASTARD. Sometimes he wondered why he didn't.

So, lying on the floor amidst Cameron and Foreman fighting, Wilson prodding nurses to check if they were alive (but upset, they'd broken nails! Chase took a second to sympathize.), House and Cuddy staring, Chase sat up and yelled at House, "_KANGAROOS_, HOUSE. THERE WERE KANGAROOS IN MY BACKYARD. I'M NOT BRITISH; I'M AUSTRALIAN, YOU BASTARD."

House turned away from Queen Bansheera to glare at Chase. "There were kangaroos in your backyard? That would explain what the hell is wrong with you."

"No, it wouldn't!" Cameron, turning to him, shouted.

"I don't care." House said, and turned back to Cuddy.

Chase sighed again. Well that helped. He should have gotten the job with the cute doctor with the nice hair; not the smart doctor he thought he might learn something from. God. He could have his ditzy blonde moments, sometimes. Some people would protest that he had a lot of ditzy blonde moments. He would tell them to bugger the hell off. Despite being a girly pretty-boy, he was smart and confident and how could Cameron not like him? He liked Cameron. Maybe she didn't like him because of the Pink Ranger thing...no, she didn't like him before that. Damn. Maybe she was jealous of his hair, because, hey...who wasn't?

House commanded, "Power Rangers! **Unite**!"

If it wasn't painfully obvious that this team of Rangers could not take orders before, it was now.

Wilson lurked about the nurses, feeling guilty about knocking them over. They cussed mildly at him, so he moved on to more nurses.

Chase lay dejectedly on the floor, pondering why nobody liked him.

Foreman and Cameron had given up fighting and were now discussing why nobody liked Chase.

House growled. "Rangers, you suck. Do you value your jobs or reputations in anyway? Do not underestimate; you know what I am capable of." He said this in such a formidable, menacing, threatening voice that in under a minute, the Pink, Blue, Yellow and Black Rangers had gathered around him. "Ahh, I love it underlings obey me." He exhaled happily and then faced Cuddy again. Miraculously, some nurses--the more resilient ones, hung around Cuddy. One of them being nurse Brenda, who had her arms crossed and had a glare that could challenge Cuddy's--not like it would, because, you know, she's a nurse.

"Final showdown!" House yelled, and then, in a very dramatic and climactic move, he lifted his cane and put the tip of it in the center on Cuddy's chest and pushed her over.

Cussing loudly, Queen Bansheera rose and started shouting more obscenities at him.

House, ignoring her, turned to his team and made an 'uh-oh' face. They made 'what the hell do you think you're doing' faces and he shrugged apologetically, saying quietly, "Well, I thought it'd _work_."

**_"--fucking hats_**!" Cuddy finished, breathless, her face red.

"I think the hats are very stylish." Wilson spoke up, slightly hesitant, smiling.

Cuddy turned her glare on him, and he, unfaltering, stared back. She then returned her gaze to the Red Ranger, as he seemed to be trying to attack her.

"Nothing! Nothing! Wasn't doing anything." He said, pausing and tapping his cane to a beat only he, apparently, could hear. It was the same with the voices.

"Uh. POWER RANGERS, ZORD UP!" He screamed.

The Rangers whispered amongst themselves and House threw up his hands in the air hopelessly. "We're doomed."

"Yes, you are." Queen Bansheera insisted.

"No, we're not."

"Yes, you are."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"Uh huh."

"Nuh uh."

"YOU SO ARE."

"TOTALLY NOT."

"YOU'RE SO STUPID."

"I KNOW I AM BUT WHAT ARE YOU!"

"SMARTER THEN YOU!"

"NUH UH...Rangers, attack!"

The Pink, Black, and Yellow Rangers stumbled around while the Blue Ranger started throwing things at Brenda, who dodged them and threw things back. Once the younger rangers got hold of what was going on, they started throwing things at the other nurses.

Queen Bansheera and the Red Ranger were fighting now. Red Ranger was using his cane as a sword type thing, while Queen Bansheera had an actual sword. Okay, not actually. It was a wooden one which she magically pulled out of thing air, like magic. She and House were fencing, and yelling things at each other. Cuddy was yelling insults; House was naming household objects and capitals of the Pacific Northwest states.

Boxes congregated around nurses and tripped them, and accidentally tripped Rangers like the Pink and Yellow Ranger. They attempted to apologize but failed because, well, they have no voice boxes. GET IT?

It was chaos; flying objects and insults and fighting doctors and nurses and boxes and, strangely enough, a pink elephant.

Chase and Cameron were fighting back. Literally watching each other's backs. And they were doing quite well for themselves; neither of them had passed out, fainted, messed up any hair, broke a nail, decided this was unethical, or died. _Yet_.

Foreman had gained an ally in the fluffy elephant named Linda and was not running away from her, but only because Linda had saved his life a few times. _JUST_. _A_. _FEW_. _TIMES_. Not making a big deal of it. Or anything. Because. You know. Eric Foreman could hold his own in a fight...with some slight assistance from a fluffy pink elephant named Linda. BUT USUALLY he did not need said assistance because...well, he's black. That's threatening enough, he figured.

Wilson and Brenda were having a sort-of fist fight; and needless to say Brenda was winning. But Wilson was overcoming her, because after hitting him enough times (not that hard, mind, she IS a nurse), she began to tire out and Wilson, damaged but with strength, began to start winning. Hopefully he would keep on trying to win. Incidentally, in all the commotion, his hair remained perfect. This was good enough for him.

And now back to House and Cuddy. It started off with Cuddy winning but House soon started winning and kept on winning, shouting 'Boise' and 'Olympia', 'toaster' and 'microwave'. Cuddy shouted things that should not be repeated.

Wilson laughed maniacally. "Haha! Triumph, Brenda!" He nudged the downed evil nurse and coughed. Laughing manically took a toll on one's voice and he was not in the habit of doing it often. The boxes gathered around Brenda, to dissuade her from trying to regain dignity, and if to say, 'ha! evil nurse Brenda just got beat by the girly, prissy oncologist!' This was, incidentally, what the other doctors would be saying, too, except they would be probably exempting the words '_girly_' for '_faggy_' and '_prissy_' for '_snobby SOB_'. But the point is. That Wilson beat nurse Brenda. The name 'Wilson' would now command respect from others for about two days, which sucked because today was a Friday and he got Saturday off and he worked on Sunday but all the cool doctors got Sunday off. This made him sad. But not sad enough to make him not enjoy this moment. And besides, he would remember, which means he could have something to brag to everyone--specifically House-- about. But something told him House'd something bigger to brag about...

Because the Red Ranger had conquered over Queen Bansheera, queen of all that is evil and dangerous weapon eyes and scaring male secretaries and female secretaries alike. He stood over her, lopsided, with his cane pointed at her throat. As if it could cause her any harm whatsoever to her neck. But, uh, moving on. They were both breathing heavy, and Cameron and Foreman and Chase had finished fighting nurses, and Wilson, after laughing at Brenda again, joined them around House, with Linda and a few boxes.

House glanced around at his team, seeming slightly confused.

"Uh." He paused, and for a moment they felt uneasy. "What now?" He whispered, and truthfully, they had no idea either.

Wilson also shrugged, clueless.

"Okay!" House looked down at Cuddy, who was glaring. "We want a raise. Each of us wants a raise. And I want less clinic duty hours; in fact,** no**,** no** clinic duty at all."

Cuddy stared at him in shock; nay, bewilderment. "Raises and less clinic?" She said, in a weak voice.

"Is there an echo? **NO CLINIC**, actually."

"Yeah!" Wilson supported him, also a bit confused but excited; he'd just beaten Brenda.

"And, er, we get to wear the hats?" Chase added tentatively. "And make the nurses leave me alone." He continued.

Cuddy blinked. "Fine..?" She looked confused and then asked, "What this was this all about? No clinic?"

House shook his head, laughing. "Nah. I was just bored. And I look sexy in a hat."

Turning, he left and his confused but happy team followed him.

"How anti-climactic." Someone noted. Must've been Chase, because no one cared.

----------

"Haha. NO CLINIC." House laughed manically. He was very good at it.

He and Wilson were at lunch, eating in his office to avoid other doctors who had taken to looking at them funny. Was it the hats? Yes, it was the hats. The_ relentless_ hats.

"Hmm. Very cool." Wilson mused and ate a chip.

"Yeah, we've got to be Power Rangers more often."

"With real Zords."

"And Battilizers."

"And those motorbikes."

"_MOTORBIKES_."

"Vroom vroom bikes."

"No motorbike for Chase."

"Why not?"

"Would it be possible to find a motorbike in pink?"

"...no."

"Okay, problem solved."

"We'll need a new enemy."

"What?"

"Well you already officially defeated Cuddy."

"For now."

"Good point."

"She'll have to take some time to gain strength, find allies..."

"We can gain strength and find allies, too."

"No we can't."

"Hmm?"

"Everybody hates us."

"Well that should make it easy for her."

"Damn."

"We're screwed."

"We have Foreman."

"And Chase and Cameron..?."

"I don't think we should consider those as plusses."

"Bait, maybe."

"Brilliant, Wilson."

"That's why I'm the Blue Ranger."

----------

"Hands up if you feel like you should've taken another job with another doctor." Chase said, and his hand and Foreman's shot up in the air. Cameron frowned slightly but happily and ate another Cheeto.

"I think that was _fun_." She said, and tossed a Cheeto at Chase.

He ducked. "Whatever, Yellow Ranger."

"Aw, come _on_. You know you loved it."

"...if I wasn't the Pink Ranger."

"Maybe you'll get a promotion." She mocked him, giggling, and threw another Cheeto. It landed in his hair. He grimaced and shook it out.

"Black Ranger...pshaw. Then again, anything's better then the Pink Ranger." Foreman grinned, and did a spot-on imitation of Chase flipping his hair.

"I'd rather be Silver. Maybe I can be Green. Or..." Chase shrugged and trailed off.

"Pink suits you." Cameron decided. Chase rolled his eyes.

"Can't believe he's forcing us to wear the hats." Foreman grumbled.

"I like them." Cameron piped up, touching the brim of hers cheerily.

"Oh come on. We're outcasts. We're eating lunch in empty storage room, for God's sake."

"You mean 'the base'?" Chase remarked.

"Yep, and after lunch, we can go Ranger up."

They collapsed in fits of laughter surrounded by the all-knowing boxes, who reflected on the past experiences and foretold the future of more adventures. They wish they could divulge their secrets but...wait for it..._they don't have any fucking mouths_.

**THE END**…

No seriously, guys, it's the end…**FOR NOW**.

Not joking…_OR AM I_?

Get over it; it's the end, finish, no more…_**OR IS IT!**_

_YEAH. IT IS._

_---------_

AN: Kaythen. Review.

Just review, for god's sake.

I need a Powerade...and cake. Gosh. CAKE.

**I WILL TELL YOU MY DREAM FOR THIS FIC:** (that's in bold so you'll notice it) I want it to be in MORE THEN ONE C2. That's why they're called C**_2_**s. Haha. No, seriously, though, I was so excited when it was put into a C2, I was dancing. If you love me...


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